saccharine damsel
dreams in distress
the stars give me clues
but the rest seems a mess

my limbs seem to freeze
when its my turn to act
i want to turn air,
i want to twist back

my seams are still ripped,
i have not learned care
i sit on my hands
into my own eyes, i stare

fanatic kingdom

who shines for you on the teevee?
o my guh
are you eye-fucking what's on that flat screen????
tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me
o my guh
ME 2
ooo woo woo woo

heyo, danger zone cuties and wet eyed adonises
WARNING
so many somebodies want to plant big wet ones on you
and that's how you end up crushed on the grand ballroom floor
for now the leash stays on
and this can go on being a paycheck for you
but don't you wonder about the hell beasts sometimes?

ca-caw shun airy tail
she looked so nice in that turtleneck and cardi set
but she blew her idols over with not even a sneeze
now she's got like 16 degrees
and clobbering fists
and a stare that makes underwear just drop off
and a gun liscense
and a give 'em hell attitude to boot
from when she snaked their spirits out their mouths with her claws

or else the frenzy goes the way of the failed souffle
and IDK
like "guh/too much/can we just/how are you real/stop that right now"
and they stay in their bedrooms
and always call their moms

it's been a long time that i think
i've enjoyed being but a
figment
of people's imaginations

a flame in a crisp, dry field
a smirking ghost among the holly
wholly unpredictable
       and fantastically fickle
riding in on the hum of mystery
      pointing all fingers to the magic of the moment,
baring it all through the width of my eye,
and slipping away before the spell can subside.

no contact, no photograph, no proof,
or poem or postcard,
just an agent of the ethers,
a friendly reminder of the  great riddle.

i feel quite differently now though..
oh, i've visited the ocean,
i've taken to the stars,
     i've immersed myself in the invisible
and now my body wants to be right where we are.

magic is not a drink to binge
for fear of the time evading.
it's not a wildfire that knows no end
or a phantom that needs no friend.

it can be trusted and real.
it can look and smell human,
toting human technologies,
and smoking modern day cigarettes.

it can plan its day by the clock,
jog alongside the flock,
and, most importantly, it can leave its print.
it can close encounters with a firm grin. it can leave and come back again.

it can leave such big footprints that life grows from the cracks in its quake.

in the hot space between our faces closing in
breath passed back and forth
I am all like
"I'm not made of glass"
"PUSH ME"
but the truth is
when I leave this bedroom, I'm already shattering

girl born and a babbler
maybe better to drug me?
and style me oracular
sit me above the ethylene vents
I'm never getting better
so let's work with what we've got
for the betterment of all mankind

sorry i didn't show up to that thing
or reply to your emails and texts and calls
i was standing on my porch
gauging the speed of the wind by the pace of the clouds
braiding and braiding and braiding and braiding my hair

GIRLZ KLUBB (NE1 CAN JOIN)

I.
Australian bartenders living in Spain
15 is old enough for Malibu and Diet Coke
but is it old enough for the third one to be free?

my drinking partner produces a pen
inks on her hand
"less chocolate = more £ for clothes"
I haul her up the stairs to the place where she is staying

or

I refuse to wear tank tops without a built in bra
I buy them tight to make sure no one sees what's started going on under my shirt
and yet
"you're so pretty. you are so pretty if I was your age I would marry you."
right in front of my parents in their unfinished kitchen
"give us a hug and a kiss"
SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE

or

Rory? Rory and his friend and my friend Catriona
we had gone out looking for men to buy us French martinis
you can go out when you're 18 and know what's what
and I am pressed against a tree in Edinburgh's Meadow
swooning
and
gosh
"If I can do that to your neck, imagine what I can do to your pussy."
I need to find Catriona
and I only remember
when I'm 21 and a boy says to me
in response to pain
"Sorry my dick's too big."

or

in my dorm room I push too hard
despite vowing
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do"
and I know it
and when I repeat this with another somebody
I'm 22 and he asks to go home with me in front of a room full of people
and I say no
but the idea has bloomed in me
though I guess public rejection isn't much of a turn on
I drag him back with me and he shoves me off him
I'm too horrified to apologize


II.
Sometimes I see a well-dressed girl from afar
and I think I must know her
because I know all the well-dressed girls in Chicago
or
all the girls I know are well-dressed
or
we're all reading the same style blogs

III.
let's have dinner!
on the agenda:
   -shoe appraisal and admiration
   -when we talk about glitter and castrating rapists are we doing the work of essentialization for our detractors?
   -the runes our lovers write on our throats in saliva
   -cigarettes
   -paying the bills
   -ouija board
   -white white white white white white white white white whiteness
   -maybe what we thought alone in the dark last night

IV.
I'm watching The Shining
all that sticky rage
runs down my arms
oozes between my fingers
and balls my hands into fist

it's something I can't remember the grips me
I know you've forgotten things too

The Klubb is for kissing and remembering
unspooling the spool of yourself
"silence has the rusty taste of shame"

V.
But, Jesus Christ, your mouth 

wolf creek work

reflections on "beasts of the southern wild"

(from my journal--in kings beach on lake tahoe where the fuck what the fuck where are the pinenuts)

WILD a wrenching ode to dysfunctional whole lives in place loyal to death, invaded by colonizers social service "health" "care"--not animal, yes civilization--NOTHING RIGHT destruction rampant death everywhere & is it inevitable? as the earth rears up? is the father right? tribal king-daughter of a wasteland home, survivalist ethic disrupted by mandatory eviction kicking & screaming--& the other dream sparkles with alcohol & "barely" & fire. why live if not with fire? ultimately we are our own & what is there but to care for our own?


i'd recommend it if you can go see it.
on a mad ridiculous search for pinenuts, to nevada today...