Dream #1

Possess beauty or it will possess you Even as I write this a piece flesh falls to the ground The spectacle of every day The bodies suspended in time Any signs of life are much appreciated Sweat and sinews and sex. Play in the city with types of kindness and types of death. Archetypes stirred and collaborating as mutts Though a mongrel I want to be golden brown and red And almost I am An unremarkable remark Remade into a man Scheming with brown eyes Flushed with abundance of breath And secret hair softly on cheeks A mark, a question of clear bright skin Bones to fall with Muscles to pull myself up From an edge The mind Since I cannot be a bird And I have tried I'd settle for beautiful, as I choose Appear and disappear gently All with the same unending motion Of things coming together and falling apart Yes I am the one who sleeps a rest that is not real or one of many dreams that bleed themselves To show the world what it feels like Is there a single pleasure out there That does not request sacrifice? How many more times must the earth turn For another moment like the one that never seems to come

off the off the of the

oh geez summer is shattering open in so many directions,
$10 in my checking account, kazoo in my pock-ette,
looking out over this garden, these red-hot poker flowers roses and hills of competing doug firs and cedars and white oaks and maples--
discomfort is a sign of a learning edge, a rich place to dig into
i love learning so i find myself on the edge of discomfort a lot.
the wind is singing and i'm learning to translate
for the fire's licks and the groaning of this dry red soil.
i've been around the siskiyous for the past month now, never thought i'd find myself in a place like this--this dry and brittle harbor, rich and seductive and secretive hills where craziness is an edge to dance along. we the firepeople waiting for the fire, scrambling strolling in this age of consuming forces and summer sun. getting downloads and uploads from the spirit channel; this land talks loudly in a thousand voices, a thousand thousand marrowed ancestors.
oh, to be a blade of grass. oh, to be a sharp knife. oh, to be an eagle chasing a rabbit--
for now.
back to portland tomorrow--more soon.

the anwer is to become weirder
develop violent and aggressive eccentricities
when "there's nothing to resist"

if you begin to hallucinate, that's just an added bonus

Germany

Ive made it from asphalt and then through the skies I've emerged on the German side of things and I was nervous walking off the plane did I make the right choice in coming here? All my demons were there in the waiting hall holding signs up with my different names on them. I walked past, wig shielding my face. Not today guys. But a few still caught on followed me into the day. Not until now, many cigarettes and some drinks later, do i shake them off. No drama, just beat it. Arrived a few hours ago at my new home for some months. Fabian and Anetta are the bee keepers, and they are spry and kind kind. Their words are earnest, eyes and mouths earnest, skin bright. I forgot the way Europeans tend to inhabit their expressions much more than Americans. It's very refreshing to experience spirited mundanity like this. I have a good room here that has wood floors enough for dancing I have my bike with me (I successfully got it across the Atlantic) What friends we have become, my bike and me I know how to take care of it more than ever now New tires, new chain, new dérailleur, new cassette. Fabian is going to teach me about bee keeping and work is very flexible so I can dance and live as I want. This week we are going to set up hives in the city as the linden trees will be blooming His wife anneta does wood block carving/printing so I hope to mooch off her knowledge too. I saw my friend Martin who I haven't seen in two years and there is still a strong bond not to mention a healthy and intriguing tension between our bodies. it was everything to arrive here and have a friend...to not to feel alone. The destructive side of my independence is never far away It is easily provoked If I am alone alone, meaning when I start feel like a placless familyless landless desinfranchised orphan I can get very defensive and reactionary and work myself into weird states. Madness, demigod martyrdom, epic flesh, death dance. So I am glad to be in this place and get a grip on My Shit, because that is what it is. I am glad to be here among all these trees and lakes... to have a spot to swim as the summer thickens. Glad for honey. Glad for my friends. The family I do actually have. On my way over here I thought of you all so much and wanted to turn back and quit all the questions. But now that I am here I know this will be good, and you all will appreciate the changes it will bring over me. Love from Berlin.

the morning light pours in
ah it's so late that it's early

#500

slavoj zizek i'm calling you to account
even as i am drowning in a pool of your profuse sweating
crouched underneath a podium where you are speechifying
i think
you have made critique your business
so in some sleeping part of your brain
you want the structure to be critiqued to continue to exist
yes?
oh you lucky bastard to wriggle out of the blame like that
you know about fetishized distance
it's not just me that's got it

the dream is to sit in the sun
under a tree
and talk and wonder and puzzle
no
perhaps not
the dream is to sit in the sun
under a tree
and no longer need language

fevruary/2010

you show me yours,

i'll show you mine;

laughing and playing

are the fruits of life

you bring the fork

and i'll bring the knife

we can live on the clouds

we can sleep on soft gauze

just to feel peach fuzz

and dream to touch paws

we know this is it

this bright life is ours

we'll drink in the wind

and we'll supper on stars