GIRLZ KLUBB (NE1 CAN JOIN)

I.
Australian bartenders living in Spain
15 is old enough for Malibu and Diet Coke
but is it old enough for the third one to be free?

my drinking partner produces a pen
inks on her hand
"less chocolate = more £ for clothes"
I haul her up the stairs to the place where she is staying

or

I refuse to wear tank tops without a built in bra
I buy them tight to make sure no one sees what's started going on under my shirt
and yet
"you're so pretty. you are so pretty if I was your age I would marry you."
right in front of my parents in their unfinished kitchen
"give us a hug and a kiss"
SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE

or

Rory? Rory and his friend and my friend Catriona
we had gone out looking for men to buy us French martinis
you can go out when you're 18 and know what's what
and I am pressed against a tree in Edinburgh's Meadow
swooning
and
gosh
"If I can do that to your neck, imagine what I can do to your pussy."
I need to find Catriona
and I only remember
when I'm 21 and a boy says to me
in response to pain
"Sorry my dick's too big."

or

in my dorm room I push too hard
despite vowing
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do"
and I know it
and when I repeat this with another somebody
I'm 22 and he asks to go home with me in front of a room full of people
and I say no
but the idea has bloomed in me
though I guess public rejection isn't much of a turn on
I drag him back with me and he shoves me off him
I'm too horrified to apologize


II.
Sometimes I see a well-dressed girl from afar
and I think I must know her
because I know all the well-dressed girls in Chicago
or
all the girls I know are well-dressed
or
we're all reading the same style blogs

III.
let's have dinner!
on the agenda:
   -shoe appraisal and admiration
   -when we talk about glitter and castrating rapists are we doing the work of essentialization for our detractors?
   -the runes our lovers write on our throats in saliva
   -cigarettes
   -paying the bills
   -ouija board
   -white white white white white white white white white whiteness
   -maybe what we thought alone in the dark last night

IV.
I'm watching The Shining
all that sticky rage
runs down my arms
oozes between my fingers
and balls my hands into fist

it's something I can't remember the grips me
I know you've forgotten things too

The Klubb is for kissing and remembering
unspooling the spool of yourself
"silence has the rusty taste of shame"

V.
But, Jesus Christ, your mouth 

wolf creek work

reflections on "beasts of the southern wild"

(from my journal--in kings beach on lake tahoe where the fuck what the fuck where are the pinenuts)

WILD a wrenching ode to dysfunctional whole lives in place loyal to death, invaded by colonizers social service "health" "care"--not animal, yes civilization--NOTHING RIGHT destruction rampant death everywhere & is it inevitable? as the earth rears up? is the father right? tribal king-daughter of a wasteland home, survivalist ethic disrupted by mandatory eviction kicking & screaming--& the other dream sparkles with alcohol & "barely" & fire. why live if not with fire? ultimately we are our own & what is there but to care for our own?


i'd recommend it if you can go see it.
on a mad ridiculous search for pinenuts, to nevada today...