Sunday, August 30, 2009

Crimson Sky / Separate Peace

Around 6:00 am, figures of red black and blue opened a door and discovered a black sky turned blue. They walked for some minutes and uttered hushed exclamations of wonder and glory and hope. They walked into a green field that had slipped off the pages of a book, come to cradle their steps. While weaving streams of red black and blue settled on grey stones, other paths of red and blue peed among the damp brown trunks of the trees that crowned the green field that slipped from the book, that they might ensure that the green field that slipped from the book was not temperamental, and would rest awhile to allow them passage back. The green field that slipped from the book breezed consent, and with sterling trust these red and blues paths joined the others on the grey stone. Tracing lumbering green ripples to the edge of the earth, they viewed a secret agreement, and to show their respect murmured hushed exclamations of wonder and glory and hope. There, at 6:14 am, brilliant orange fingertips crept gently toward a great green lake and a vast grey ocean of clouds. The great green lake and the vast grey ocean of clouds had breezed the dawn their own, but a minute later at 6:15 am, for a brief moment, agreed with sterling trust to open a small pale crevice between them, so that the brilliant orange fingertips might creep gently through, for a brief moment, to match wonder with wonder, glory with glory, and hope with hope. So for a brief moment, the brilliant orange fingertips crept into the small pale crevice all the way to the brilliant orange palms of its hands, and gasped at the beauty it saw at the footstep of the earth. There, seated figures of red black and blue watched its tacit intrusion between the great green lake and the vast grey ocean of clouds. For a brief moment, all the guilt and impropriety of the world vanished in an invisible white blaze. And after a brief moment, the brilliant orange palms retracted the brilliant orange fingers outstretched as they were in a gasp, and the great green lake and the vast grey clouds zipped back up the small pale crevice. Figures of red black and blue commenced to weaving paths back across the green field that had slipped from the book, and back toward the door behind which the blue sky was once black.

"It wasn't the cider which made me surpass myself, it was this liberation we had torn from the gray encroachments of 1943, the escape we had concocted, this afternoon of momentary, illusory, special and separate peace."

Two hours and nine minutes later, in La Canada, California, brilliant orange fingertips would peek above the Angeles Crest mountain and hilltops. But the figures who sat on grey stones at the footstep of the earth to see them had already seen brilliant orange tongues all through the night, and traced them like lumbering orange ripples spilling over the edge of the Angeles Crest Highway. Two hours and nine minutes later, through streaming scrims of pale ash, they would see a streaking crimson shaft in the sky, the fire retardant birthed from the sterling belly of a DC-10 emergency plane.


The clouds and the lake granted the sun, for a brief moment, a crevice between them so that it could meet wonder with wonder, glory with glory, and hope with hope. They gave me that separate peace, so that in the brief moment without guilt and impropriety they gifted me with sterling trust, I could look to one of the dearest areas of my home, sky streaked with ash and retardant, and murmur in hushed exclamation, with wonder and glory and hope, once more, “I’m not worried.”



Saber T. wrote this last night.

all:
can we all channel the same thoughts at the same time IN THE SAME WAY? are we thinking the same actual thoughts or just the same words.
tamara is sleeping
eliot's was a physical contribution. let me translate in words: I LOVE YOU and i am so just at peace with everything and have an opinion in the form of vics vapo rub on your lip

oh no! i'm gonna post later! leaving to get the book, back ltr. love ethan toast doobs mcgee

jake is gonna think of somethin really really good. he's here that's enough

sara goes by SABER

tamawa's symbol like prince is blowing rivulets of air, it's beautiful, also the texture of brad's hair is beautiful!

todd's brain is made of cookie dough ice cream
todd turned a whopping good age on the second of this month!

guinea piggggs

Saturday, August 29, 2009

this is really what i wanted to post about today

last night asia and i biked up, late but committed, to daley plaza and met up with our critical mass bikebuddies--thousands and thousands (or so) bikers. what a sight! as we rode, first falling foot to foot and then speeding down hills and up bridges, chicago turned to watch. all along the route, people came out of their houses-apartments-businesses and waved and smiled when we yelled "happy friday!" and the cars honked and waved and gave high fives. all those cars sitting and waiting, waiting for the parade of bikers to hand the roads back over. (most of the cars were complicit except one car that hit a bike!)

when we stopped for an orange/cigarette/conversation, we watched the bikesnake slither through. (perhaps a manytentacled wheely squid?) then rode hard hard to catch up, ending up at 31st beach and just as we climbed up into the lifeguard chair to smoke a j, the blinking blaring band of bikes rode into the beach. what a sight.

if you haven't ridden critical mass, i encourage you to. (it's the last friday of each month and they meet at daley plaza downtown.) i feel much fonder of my bikealike, a sense of community with other bikes...and damn, almost as if i have a right to ride on the roads aside those fucking nasty semi trucks, SUVs, and more harmless breeds of gasdragons. i couldn't stop smiling.

and that feeling (the seeds of revolution) made me think of bukkaka and this very blog. hmmmmmmyeah!

at present, i'm trying to wriggle around in my skin a little, find my feet and gulp down some deep breaths...that is, alone with the cats in the house, smoking and listening to music and putzing (as my mother would say). still reeling-bathing in the glory of the wind on my face and the honking-WAHHH in my ears from yesterday night. it's inspired me to bike around more, bike more, bike everywhere.

well met, internet

hey guys, this is Meghan, or m. t. raptor, to use my nom de whatever the fuck it is I do. I believe I know most of you, but to those I haven't met: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. hey.

I got a letter/envelope of magic from z in the mail today, which I devoured post haste. while I was pouring myself a bowl of the disgusting sugary cereal I so adore I suddenly noticed what really seemed like a slug on my thumb, which I flicked off in surprise even though I actually enjoy slugs (and their eyestalks) a lot. and then I couldn't find it again! since I still haven't been outside today, I can only conclude that this sluggish buddy journeyed all the way from port angeles to see me, and upon arrival I gave it nothing but a cruel thumbnail. alas.

so how about this fucking weather, eh chicagolanders? I can pretty much guarantee it'll get disgustingly hot again before real fall arrives, but I'll take this while I can get it for sure.

that's all I got for now, but in future I'm sure you'll get to read plenty about the wonderful world of community college and my attempts to waste less of my time. or maybe I'll actually have some thinky thoughts that need airing. we shall see.

a thousand miles wrapped up in blankets

i slept so late today, droppeddripped into a dreamworld that wouldn't let me go.
at first i was at a relative's house with my sister. there were a lot of people ("relatives") i'd never seen before and the ones with recognizable faces also seemed like strangers. i think i watched porn with someone who claimed to be my cousin.
then we were in this hotelplace and we had to prepare a defense. we got into this court-like place and i was woefully unprepared, had forgotten all of my pieces of paper. i had a hard time stating my name. the purpose of the "trial" was unclear (it could have been a conference) but my sister and i were called upon to Do Something. luckily instead of a defense we turned off the lights and did a performance. i think we won.
back to the hotel, now in the suburbs in the middle of nowhere: i stole some runts and other candy from a grocery store with an unguarded back door (silly silly) and shared with my sister and some other dreamfriends i had met earlier that night. (one, for instance, had long long brown hair and a big black hat and wore all black.) we ate them in the hotel.
later becci and i were hanging out in the garden and i think i dreamt of trellises that grew high high and huge huge collard greens sprouts, racing the sunflowers towards the sky.

anyway i had like 13 hours of adventures in dreamworld. i wish dreams weren't so compelling. sort of. or just that i could wake up in the morning...this "rainforest" sound produced by my cellphone kept creeping into my dream and was very unwelcome.

also i am excited for leli's return!

Friday, August 28, 2009

two days ago, always red

Waiting for the bus to the red line to the white walls of his apartment teeming with a crazed woman's revelations and a rough-cheeked damsel's dreams of underwater welding/ Claritin and Clonipan pulsing from my neck to my forearms--why does the allergy/anxiety meds cocktail give me the jitters?  Maybe it's the boy or the book in my bag, the one that changed his life, he said/ or the dandelion mistress traveling in a caravan of borrowed cars as I write this, the one whose voice curled up in my ear through the phone, said she missed me times three.

Maybe it's muscle: Fingers trembling from overuse on guitar strings, on computer keys, in his hair or up his shirt (I never expect to find swollen flesh there)/ Never confused, just curious/ Curious about myself, too, and so much of that self sleeps in him, careening itself against my ribcage until the wind is knocked out of my mouth, until I'm dizzy on a panel of concrete wondering if the homeless man on the corner thinks we're fags or dykes or if he cares at all (I don't).

Always in transit, always in motion/ Wheels stolen, but the red line rush is enough for a fix.  She carries me north again and again and I fall into books on the way/ Writing (riding) red lines, counting syllables that matter.
i am cooped up here at the office, alone, like i have been all week, filing and answering phone calls along with other silly boring things (copying faxing sweepingemailsorganizingupdatingpprwrk) that Someone has to do so that art can happen (somewhere else), which is the tragedy of arts administrators everywhere! i do it because these are my dues for all of the art and shit that i will create later when i'm OLD ENOUGH and have earned it (and money). this is what i tell myself while i am vacuuming a giant blue expanse of foam for the third time in a week (sisyphus, i know your plight!) or entering 666 names into a black hole of an internet database. the problem being, of course, i tell myself, that i look like i am 14 so at this rate will NEVER be old enough; therefore i must take drastic measures, i reason, like having my freckles surgically removed and making a concerted effort to stop chewing on my lower lip (this also gives you Mouth Cancer), but this is obviously silly because at 14 the Olsen Twins already owned AN ISLAND at least (i remember seeing that on nickleodeon), and they will always look like starving horrible children playing some macabre game of dress-up.
so i think it ("it" being not-this, something akin to general productivity and happiness) is actually all about being super-something, like super-special at something or super-different in certain super-specific ways at super-specific times in your life, which is actually actually all about being super-lucky, but not unbearably so, because it's also about something like talent and outlook on life, and i guess that's ok. what i'm thinking about right now is how many different kinds of lives there are and how that makes everyone's perception of the world fundamentally incompatible but also how everything works so that, mostly, everyones' incompatible perceptions can operate in the same framework and generally allow for general smooth operations, that is of course in peacetime and disregarding things like violence and poisoned minds and insidiousness everywhere; i'm talking about the amazingness of going into the cafe across the street and being able to communicate my desire for a small cup of coffee to a person who understands the world in a completely different way than i do and getting that coffee without too much fuss, and on top of that generally feeling like my day is better because we shared a greeting and a smile that even despite our completely different lives and thoughts meant the same thing, i think, to both of us, namely, security-if-not-sincerity.
the most taxing thing in my life, right now (besides digesting ethan's DELICIOUS if difficult-to-digest stew), is processing other peoples' perceptions of the world!

PLEASE: have a day that's as beautiful as you.

summupance

an update:
welcome to meghan/m.t.raptor to this box of bundling and bed of buddiness.

tonight i sprouted
and flew.
biking [in the rain] is so good (, even if it's down 55th street.)

my buddy sav is moving to washington d.c. it is strange to see a buddy diasporating. maybehopefully she will join the blog.

tonight is full of swirls
the baohaus is dark and full of cats.
and me.

love to all who are here and elsewhere.
a

PUDDLE BRAINS UPDATE

TODAY, MY FRIENDS, ETHAN (AKA TOAST) BECAME A HERO.

HE SCREWED MY BRIDGE PIERCING BACK TOGETHER WHEN I MADE IT FALL OUT FROM FIDDLING WITH IT TOO MUCH. HE EVEN TOOK SOME NICE LITTLE CHUNK OF DEAD SKIN OFF OF THE SCREW.

INDEED.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Puddle brains: a fairytale

I want to post because it's been a whole whopping two days since someone wrote something and this blog should writhe like the tentacles its named after. But, I'm sleepy and it's very cold outside so my brains have denatured (oh you say but heat makes things denature not cold - that's why this is fairytale obvi) and I can't think of much to say. Other than:

I saw Toast's doppleganger today near Millenium Park.

I want to be in Edinburgh so badly right now.

I wish my hair were a duvet so I could fall asleep in it at work.

And with the sandwich of thoughts, I have a question! Are there any signifiers, archetypes, characters, totems, or historical figures you heavily identify with? This inquiring puddle mind wants to know.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

the rolling ball and being behind, in front of, and on top of it

it is quite possible
that this couch,
in the halflight of our living room,
has powers to suck people in.
i have experienced this.

onto other squidling topics...i feel my tentacles tingling a little.
the past few days have been somewhat immemorable. a few moments:
watching some kids at weiser concoct vegannaise out of olive oil and tofu and stuff.
smearing menstrualblood-ish dye into my hair and scalp, blood everywhere.
scavenging and cooking (of epic proportions) with hausmates...a cacophony of smells and delightz.

tuesday night i bedecked myself for rocky horror at the roots collective. sporting a new(old) leather vest and black-and-white striped tights and a full head of black curls, i reexperienced how fucking hot tim curry is and raised my voice in praise of cultfilm genderbending. wow. we played combat kissing in the yard and i weaved home on my bike, clicking away and hoping no cars got in my way.

then i dreamt that i went to a music festival somewhere in indiana! there were lots of groups of students and their teachers. food for students was free but they only had banana muffins and teacher food (cheese) cost 2-5 cents. i didn't have any money. then there were some anarchists, all scruffy men, organizing some kind of action.

i have been sprouting collard greens and catnip in the house and it is so so ready to be planted in the garden so that's what i'm off to do now.

sorry this is boring. sometimes (but only occasionally, if you live in the baohaus), life is boring.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

i think the gay rodeo is this weekend

on saturday justin and i took the 8:10 ferry from port angeles across the strait of juan de fuca to victoria, the capitol of british columbia. 
where we didn't get any stamps in our passports, so we might have not gone at all.
we intended it to be a day trip-- most of the time we walked around looking for food. we found a vegan buffet called "green cuisine" which charges you by the kilogram! i ate 5 kilograms of food once. we bought yummy beer and wine and drank it, and then stole magnetic hematite from the royal museum of britsh columbia (which wanted to charge us $18.50  piece to get in). we have this new code of ethics where if you want something and it costs too much then you take it... i think i've only paid for chocolate once or twice on this trip. there was this AMAZING chocolate company called organicfair which we got a TON of different flavors. also got a baseball cap and beauty and the beast. basically the day was spent feeling bored and illegitimate beausewe didn't want to spend money and yet we spent a lot of it. 
we went to catch the 6:15 ferry but it was full! we decided not to take the 7:30 (and have to get picked up begrudgingly at 9pm) and just stay the night. immediately we began approaching moderately hip young people to ask what was going on that night. we got varied responses and decided to hit up the vegan buffet again before it closed at 8. we asked the cashier with platinum blond hair shabed on one side and 8 inches long on the other...she told us some new places and then we asked her the real question "sorry to ruin this pure exchange, but where can we get drugs?" "look, this is not a pure exchange, this is victoria." and she ran out to get a buddy of hers who had just left. after dinner we hung out with this buddy and 2 others behind a dumpster, drinking beer, smoking spliffs, and talking about rocks and breakups until it was time to buy acid from the bouncer of a nearby metal club. i have never so obviously bought drugs in my life... amazing. about 7 US$ for a hit, pas mal. then we followed colin and john (i'll call him john, i never learned his name the whole night!) to colin's house where a party was growing. colin lives in a magical relic from the 19th century-- used to be the mayor's house. wood paneled with a cozy kitchen, a co-op full of seemingly interesting hip indie mid to late 20s types. colin was growing kombucha in his room which was delicious. and then the DJ started. i danced and took breaks all night, learning so many names (mine was elliot- which i've used before i knew ali used it too. after all, our real names are similar), eating fresh mulberry cheesecake, talking about permaculture, dancing, not getting high (bogus acid grr), feeling not at home and out of place, being worried, turning down an offer to dance with megan who had just complimented my dancing because i dont think i actually know how to dance with someone. and realizing that no one there was actually that interesting to me...  that was strange. it was like everyone had died sort of. i would never want to live in victoria...
so at about 2:30 j and i approached colin and asked to sleep on his balcony. he made a nest of blankets and it was cold outside but we were very warm, burritoed in by our sweaters and comforters. we pretended we were on a ship, sleeping under the stars with sheets as sails and the badly played clarinet (somewhere in the distance) as seagulls.
woke up 5 hours later to creep out and catch the ferry, and uneventful and nappy ride. we weren't looking forward to hitching the 10 mile ride back to the farm (buses dont run on sundays), but we met a guy in country aire (the health food store) who drove us all the way home! he lives right in town and he drove us out to the farm... wow. people like him are great to find when you are tired of being errant and just want to sleep. his name is bill, he used to work for 20 years for the rock division of warner brothers records, in artist relations. he says john fogerty is a jerk and the barenaked ladies are nice guys. we gave him one of our many stolen chocolates.
it's nearly noon here and i haven't done any work yet. bean picking? uprooting canadian thistle? i hate working here. i just want to eat and play and hike. and find psychedelic mushrooms.
so that was my 26 hours in canada. a little alienating and a lot of chocolate.

Monday, August 24, 2009

I can hula hoop around my thighs. Psytrance beats depression. Moving beats sitting.
where's leli?
Crass MaTass, an adventure in soap. crude pictures of jiang zemin painted in glue. heaps and triggers, heaps and triggers. analysis does not resemble knowledge if observed in the right conditions. an atmospheric dump has a lot of implications and lacks specificity. i fear your diction but i love your bangs. let's talk of graves and epitaphs he says. he begins to grows great big wings, angelic but cheap like Gabriel in a Walgreens. his friend asks a lady cop to a basketball game, and wish sweeps too high to mark sets his friend's angelic but cheap wings ablaze. inebriation of beauty.

bowls before, an adventure in streams of. thought trains of. consciousness

serve it with some fucking gooseberries or something.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Just a thought...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A rememberance from spring

I wrote this down in April apparently, after Civ class one day:

I had a beautiful dream today in class. We were talking about why Kublai Khan would bother to entertain Marco Polo and his suggestion that the emperor convert to Christianity. The text gave us the impression that there were only public and political obstacles standing in the way of Khan submitting himself to the Nazarite, that underneath he knew that Jesus and his tripartite religion was the True Way. All this is obviously total crap. I dreamed that the Great Khan was a magnificent melange of all the regions his grandfathers overran. He was a gorgeous collage of Turkey and India and China and Mongolia and Jordan. He was this polygendered, polysexual celestial benevolent leader, who knew that his position grew out of chance and not God. He forgot no one. And Marco Polo was a pretty boy he kept around and trotted out at parties because he said such hilariously outrageous things. And the Khan would make Marco sit at his feet (when of course he didn't send him out on grand but ultimately meaningless expeditions) and he would stroke the little Venetians hair and smile down on him. Marco would talk about Christianity and the Khan would nod and indulge him, saying, "Of course, it sounds lovely, send me your priests to tell me more." And the priests would come and tell the fantastic stories of the Bible and everyone in the court would be delighted. And Kublai Khan would be pleased at watching his wives and husbands smile and giggle. And they would all talk late into the night about the panopticon and performativity and identity and promise each other walks in the gardens in their old age.

Mmmm, civ class. I suppose when I look back, that was about undermining a certain narrative of power, but also kind of realize it justifies and exoticizes another kind of power.

Lately my dreams have been taking place in a hybrid of all the underground train stations I have passed through in my life. They all have deep, vast lakes in them as well, which I inevitably end up falling into or swimming in or floating on top of. I wonder what that's about. I've also been walking a lot of places in Hyde Park without shoes on. It's a totally dangerous-cool-exciting feeling. I guess it says "I live here, I own this place, and no one can tell me what to do."

Monday, August 17, 2009

if you give a brain some ice cream, and then take it away

yes i will second rolly in describing saturday night's rave as a lake. i swam as a dance-filled genderconfused body through all the high school girls and the shirtless bros. everything was seeping with sex and straight at that but i forgot being uncomfortable and danced and danced. and then oh! the wonders of hyde park that i had not seen before. we do live in a [sometimes] beautiful place.

in other wise,
when so many of my days seem the same, i'm trying to gather little pieces that are maybe something other than chemically influenced moments.

inspired by the garden at 55 & woodlawn, which is full of tomatoes and cucumbers, jalapenos and marigolds (sometimes people on the street stop and wonder at the garden and once i gave some people some tomatoes and they were so confused and surprised, as if the lack of a cash register in proximity to vegetables was a syllogism or a logical gap)...tmo and i cut down a path through the weeds in a lot next to our house and i dug up the earth and it's going to be a garden. so far, only mint, but we're sprouting tiny seeds on the top of the fridge and there will be leafy greens and life. we're also starting a compost pile, hopefully. my interest in gardening is confusing to my mother.

also, i got a job at istra-under-the-train-tracks making coffee and putting gelato in little little plastic bowls. i haven't started yet, not till the 24th or so. at my "interview" he asked me to describe the flavors of the coffee and i said "bark" and he said "vegetal" so i got the job.

and at the character party on friday night, rolly and i went as a sibling-pair of runaways, trevor (8) and daisy (6) with stuffed animal friends (trevor and alfonso) and swedish fish. i remembered that parties are boring for kids even though everything is potentially interesting. we were on a hunt for monsters who eat children, but no one seemed to know where they were, or offered us roundabout ways to fix the problem--a unicorn, joining Jews for Allah, voting for a particular serbian candidate. in the end a woman from the future won the staged election; revolution was a close second.

and maybe that's it, for now.

update:
oh, also, tmo and i decided to get married so i can work in the EU and also to validate our sacred religious commitment to each other and so we can become a social unit of reproductive machinery. the first part is true.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

From Lake to lake

Last night six boys/bois piled up into my car headed to Lake st. where we were looking for a rave but found something more like a lake. The hottest sweatiest party of the summer- the boys pruney hands were the proof-but dancing in a jacuzzi of your own swelter is not as uncomfortable as it initially seems and wow ice cubes behind my ears my face in my mouth are delicious.
Sweat v. our crew:
1 down immediately
2 down an hour later
You understand: there was no escape. The narrow hallway where we grasped at something like air was as crowded as the inside and there we encountered a tattoo of PLUR a brand of philosophy/art/science a tattoo of a shell cunt witch face and also an argument about unity.

But four of us remained and the sweat was a blessing of freedom somehow. Eventually not only members of our crew but members of other crews could not deal and the dance floor emptied out enough to groove step beat to take advantage of space and a slippery floor.

One more member lost to another party. The three remaining dancers drive home and wow suddenly Hyde Park holds so much unexplored terrain-- osaka gardens the golden statue the history of the world fair and also brie and raspberry jam baguette. The sun growing from red to warm over glittering bodies of water. Contentment and my hands on elliot's shaved head.

i am not kidding

this was on the top of the front page yesterday:
http://www.peninsuladailynews.com/article/20090814/NEWS/308149991


wow. 
in other news, tonight we went to a party at olympic cellars, home of working girls winery ... it was a benefit for the farmers' market. justin got very drunk and danced to the band which was very good and came all the way from seattle to play! he and bianca stole a lot of chocolate and wine today whereas i seem to pay for everything. bought the 7th harry potter today to have a buddy. the stars are beautiful. the mountains (not hills... mountains) were there with us at the winery and i will never get over them. hmmmmm ohhhh
.zee

Friday, August 14, 2009

morning commute

turning onto 55th from cornell this morning i was so tired that i wondered very briefly whether it would be all that difficult to sleep and ride my bike at the same time

i found shortly after that IT IS ALL THAT DIFFICULT. i am still tired.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

more importantly



wow his burrow looks kind of like our house.
maybe we could be the burrough/burrow?

this is not a blog post

blue day,
rue day,
i-want-to-moo day.
i've been meaning to post about camp trans but i don't quite know how, yet.
cats shedding,
vodka in the afternoon.
humid air and
sidewalk stares.
even when the bathrooms at work are always empty, choosing between the one down the hall and the one further down the hall is still an existential conflict.
sometimes revolution makes me happy
and sometimes my bone marrow aches with sadness for everything that is wrong.
(today is among the latter days.)

and yet
my garden flourishes
gabe and vlad have been sleeping with me
the lake is cold and bright with just a bit of a vomit-like skin
and i got free condoms from 5710.


anyone interested in going to pittsburgh with me for the G20 protest, september 24 & 25?

Asspects

Walking through a mindfuck jungle with only ambient chants to support me

Busy dotted bees swarming around my eyes and its

Aggression, kill em with smiles undermine em with grins type of

Movement and being perpetually wavering insincere and lukewarm:

Warning porno spiderwebs not to stick their dicks

in there, swatting

At them so they can’t collect flies

(Pause: independent modern woman wore no underwear to get her dress altered, he

STUCK

his measuring tape up THERE and she witless let him rape.)

Scotch taping moments together colored with sundry degrees of

penetration thoughtfulness embarrassment hot sandy feet

house music homelessness her/his homes my house

is under construction.

Monday, August 10, 2009

time

hello fellow adventurersss

it's been ten days since i first arrived in seattle in a green turd and began to paint that town red. it's been a week days since justin's and bianca's first experience with nettles. it's been 2 days since mine (the trick is saliva-- it neutralizes it). it's been three nights sleeping on the couch with gixxer (and on yesterday was 8 years since he was born), and three days of crushing on david and russell, possibly because it's been about thirteen days since i've been touched. eight days since my first acid trip. one day since i climbed up into a cloud with trees coated in moss, screaming and singing and running and laughing. and losing justin. he came back, though i wasn't sure he would. it's also been three days since i bought twilight, and justin bianca and i have been reading it to each other but since it's such a piece of junk we've skipped most parts. the town i live outside of, port angeles, is mentioned several times in the book because it takes place in forks, about an hour west of here... so this whole area is getting lots of tourists (16,000 in forks in july) and there's twilight stuff everywhere!

it doesn't rain here in the summer, except saturday sunday and today. it's cold! ali sent me an email about sweat-- is it hot where you are? i'm wearing a sweater i bought at goodwill in town and my fingers and toes are so cold.

just watched shortbus while cleaning garlic, which caro and ali have mentioned to me a few times. i'm basically hoping que(e)ry will be like that. glitter sex fame glamour money drugs power dirt, and so on.
bye guys,
i'm lovin' reading this, keep it up
.zee

An Instructional Video for a Monday




In other news, it has been said that our abode does not have a suitable name - 5491, apparently, being too pedestrian. Suggestions?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

dreamz

it seems i can't get on the blog to tell you what i'm doing with my days,
so here are some images my unconscious is playing with

dream 9 aug

at a wedding
church (looked like st paul the redeemer at 49h and dorchester, but also like st george's church where granddad's memorial service was-- both episcopalian with lots of stone)
fatter older lady pregnant (6 weeks)
skinny skinny holly not looking like holly red dress &being a bitch (older lady, "you dont answer when i call" holly, "i don't have to.")
47th and ellis --> where newlyweds lived
phone numbers
anal sex in 2nd floor reynold's club 1/2 an hour ago (text from older lady in textspeak)
the number have in my phone for holly starts with 555! then she sends me a text with her real number, starts with 931

with ali going into bathroom (kinda like BJ bathrooms? stone)
claire marie bowman in first open faced stall
ali goes into next one
farts, is embarrassed
keeps wiping and keeps getting blood on her legs

someone at the wedding handing out big fruit (under the flying buttresses)
i got a BIG mango and said "aam!... hindi mai"
then ali appears and we speak in hindi for a bit and it is hard
hindi mai aam hai, kela nehi hai, other simple things
looking at her i had to try hard not to cry, thinking about leaving her for so long

sitting on a baby's/toddler's neck, naked
kid says "i don't want you to get ____ on your self" me says "i'm a little more worried about you getting butt on your back"

oh! also at some point  i was at a table with some people (buddies) and malic had  facial hair like justin's... which is getting to be about half a centimeter at this point cause he hasn't shaved in 10 days. when i met justin he couldn't grow facial hair really, and i had hairier nipples than he did. but now he has surpassed me in one field and may have caught up in the other. i also used to shave my nipple hair (!). anyway that's not dream that's me right now.


dream 8 aug

oprah goes to my high school
showing ali around my high school
with neon orange tape

[something in between this, i had a mission, and i was at my parent's house in homewood]

later, post war kind of world, looking for ali at a house
blase front desk receptionist
crying lady
ali's space is downstairs
and picture of collaged fat lady in red dress and high heels, absurd image
which ali had made
and there were words! which i remembered right as woke up but no later

there's a consciousness/material reality post in the works. but right now i gotta drink some coffee, eat some cereal and some very special chocolate and go to z mountains!
love
zee

Saturday, August 8, 2009

gender debauchery and dandelions, lost boys and brothers

I reside in a heart with blood red walls and books stacked in dusty corners.  I can see stars and smoke from the wooden perch of my left ventricle, and sounds and smells are both new and familiar.  My heartmate/housemate rarely returns to our humble abode and my squid friends are off having their own adventures.  It's lonely here, but it won't be for long.

The aftermath of my most recent adventure has left me feeling contemplative and homesick for the Michigan meadow that I claimed as my own for three glorious days.  Winknight is waking up in that meadow as I write this, and I am pleased that she/he/they now occupies the space that I left with such sadness and yearning.

I drove through the midwest in a car full of strangers who quickly became my soulmates.  We told our life stories as we chewed on endless tea tree oil toothpicks, perfuming our vehicle with the scent of bodies and rainforests.  We giggled at rural rest stops where our five ambiguous bodies were subject to scrutiny in binary bathrooms.  When we finally arrived in a utopia of woodsmoke and gender debauchery, bathrooms were no longer problematic.

I spent my first Michigan evening on the forest floor playing werewolves beneath the full moon.  My freckled mistress and I slept curled like canines in the back seat of a car.  We popped open the trunk and tumbled out into delicious morning, spreading sleeping bags over grass and twigs so the sun could lick our bare chests.  She told me about the dandelions etched below her collarbone and I told her stories of my early boyhood.

I had leaves in my hair and dirt in every orifice and I reveled in my new crustpunk layers of sweat and smoke.  I found many long lost brothers and we paraded through the trees with ukuleles and guitars, singing silly songs of a perfect world.  I ground chickpeas into hummus with my fists and fed my new friends delicious vegan meals.  We had long fireside conversations about theatre, consent, and children's books.  We told ghost stories and promised to write letters.

The day of our departure, Brother waited in the car while I kissed Freckled Dandelion Mistress goodbye with unanticipated tenderness.  We exchanged saliva and lists of books to read along with promises to visit often.

Soon two of my squid friends will return and we can tell these tales in person.  Until then, I wish many fulfilling adventures upon them.


Friday, August 7, 2009

Los Angeles fo langeles bee bop bo bangeles..

BANG GOES THE DRUM, and you're in loooooove, and the show has begun.

Ok the love part is just that I have seen my dear friend Flora after a too-long separation (Christmas, but even longer than that because back in those faux-winter Los Angeles days, my mind was one-track and thus despicable), and we have roamed some of the familiar haunts: Cacao (the nastiest hippest coffee shop on the westside because it stays open til 3 am and you can illegally smoke inside), the bluffs (overlooking the ocean. blankets, wine glasses, and candles filled out the magic), and more to come.

Perusing the internets I feel that perhaps I will never be alone again as there are so many electronic music and burning man-type events going on in this city in the next few days. The world is suddenly so accessible and small. Unfortunately Flora is working very hard canvassing for gay marriage so the buddyness of my adventures is somewhat restricted but,
but, 
but.

My family is weird. I hope that one day my father will be happy.

Has anyone seen Eraserhead? AGHHAGhh damn frightening. 
miss 5491!!! Can't wait to be back among the migrating books, cats, and dirty dishes.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

wikipedia shook my hand!

On Handshakes

The handshake is initiated when the two hands touch, immediately. It is commonly done upon meeting, greeting,parting, offering congratulations, expressing gratitude, or completing an agreement. In sports or other competitive activities, it is also done as a sign of good sportsmanship. Its purpose is to convey trust, balance, and equality.[6]

Unless health issues or local customs dictate otherwise a handshake should always be made using bare hands. In some regions especially in Continental Europe attempting to perform a handshake while wearing gloves may be seen as an inappropriate or even derogatory behavior. In traditional American etiquette the requirement to remove a glove depends on the situation - "A gentleman on the street never shakes hands with a lady without first removing his right glove. But at the opera, or at a ball, or if he is usher at a wedding, he keeps his glove on." (wikipedia)
From an alternative source: Squids often link tentacles for similar purposes but it is considered highly inappropriate to touch an indisquidual's leftmost tentacle unless the participants are intimately involved.
on that note,
hello to le toast, a.k.a. ethan, and to iah, who have ascended to meet us on our descent (or vice versa).
i just now remembered something that's been giving me massive tip-of-the-tongue syndrome for the past few days:
the person hugging dustin hoffman's leg in the dream i had over the weekend was TAMARA

ps hi all! glad to be a part of this virtual cuddle puddle

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Poem For the Summer

So the tide goes in and out
dishes, laundry, and magazines washing up on the shore
and sometimes they wash out again

Imagine our little collection of rooms
many-frame captured
so we can watch the piles go up and down
books hopping
from couch to table to bed

to bed again we go
but not solely so we can get up in the morning

each night we dream the walls of our house bigger
dreaming so hard that they bulge and spread
until everyone we know and don't know is in our house
sharing the blankets
paisley, checked, striped,
plaid, and cartoon-covered

everything smells of skin warmed by being outside for too long
a slightly charred offering
a prayer for time to slow down a little
and let us dream a while longer
in our little collection of rooms

Monday, August 3, 2009

a new squid joins the ranks

welcome, stamler, to this porridge of strange delights and questionable afflictions.

In a bronze chamber, faced with the silent handkerchief of a strangler, hope has been faithful to me;

yeah to speak from my tentacles, i'm a little sad that it seems all of the squidbloggers but nautilus & i have fled from the south side enclave. (rollypolly left today for the western coast and mr. malic was compelled by irresistable opportunity to a fairyland of fun in michigan.) but so many adventures! i knew this would be a blog of adventurers and i've been inspired to find my own adventures this summer as well as to recognize how amazing the people who enter and leave my life are. you are among these rare squidkindred.

last night i dreamt i was rolling spliffs and driving west in a red car full of people i didn't know. ah ah!

unrelatedly, i would like to direct your attention to the ancient book of sex and science where the makers of monsters, inc. have turned their attention to weighty matters.

today i was singled out from the masses for a job interview at istria cafe, which has yet to occur but when it does will hopefully result in a deluge of coffee beans, tips, new buddies, life sustained by minimal wages, and sprinklings of consumerist delight.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Gabe's Ballad: Balmy Summer Nights

Frankenstein appeared on the river and he leapt into a pile of smoldering leaves. He turned and saw the herd of oxen bearing down on him. "I'm really not that artistic, but like BAOOOOAHHHAOOOHAHHHHH," and scarred for life in the best way ever, the boy leapt down the rocks and pummeled to his death. But an old woman found his shoe sticking out of the junkyard of life. She unwrapped her shawl and filled the shoe with her spit. Pass, she threw it to the leapard that had appeared in drag on the rocks. The leapord adjusted his polka dotted tophat and smiled with a devious grin. "My my, what have we here." I'm just listening to this, but I'm bored BAOOHHHHAAOOWWOWWW. I think I see the development of a crazy cat woman. The woman drenched herself with the loafer-spit and laughed manically. My head is empty! said the leapard. No, that's what they said. Fake fishing. I'm leaving this room, BAAAAHHAWWOWWW. Now stop a moment, fuckwad, let's backtrack.
Frankenstein, looking for meaning in his life, decided to teach the leapard to dance. The leapard stretched out his elegantly painted claws to flip the switch on his stereo which began to blast songs of the old ages. She stood on one paw, her whiskers quivering in the moonlight. They meet a dolphin that can walk on land. It teaches them techno. They entered into a romance, all three of them, that will go down in the annals of polyamory. But their love affair did not last long. It shone brilliantly like a star, and then burnt out. That is all. Shortly thereafter, and only briefly before the apocalypse, there was a festival of mammoth proportions. Hamsters on a wheel, a human ferris wheel. They were celebrating the coming apocalypse and engaging in orgiastic raving. Religious leaders commanded them to eat 300 clementines each and glues the skins to their skin. Unfortunately, the jubilant people could not find enough women named Clementine. Many many miles away a woman named Clementine rode through the ocean in a small boat filled with marshmallows. Clemetine was omnilingual, she spoke all languages, including the language of the ocean and the trees and the wind. But when deprived of marhsmallows, alas, she was deaf and dumb. BAAAOOOAAAOWWWOWW. She ate all her marshamallows, called the apocalypse, but didn't hear it, so she survived. Vegan marshmallows will not save you on a boat. Don't eat marshallows because the apocalypse will get you.