DADZ KLUBB (NE1 CAN JOIN)

i don't want to think about my dad
as he sits alone in that house in connecticut
burning old receipts
boxes of them
when he doesn't know why he kept them in the first place
and calling me
to ask if i want to keep my dusty, water-warped artwork from third grade
when my brother doesn't come home much
and sleeps through most of thanksgiving day
in the guest room downstairs
because he doesn't want dad to know how late he got in
the landing creaks on the way up

how often does my dad call my grandparents
who are dying an ocean away
and i don't want to think
how bitter bitter bitter my granddad sounds
when he talks about the electricity board
and never talks about why he changed our family name

if the bank forecloses on a man's house
and his wife leaves him finally
and he doesn't have a job
and his son gets ready to go off to college
and his little girl is a grown up who can't remember to phone home
like she's trying to look at the sun
but instead has to look to the side of it
then
what is a man?

"i stopped paying the mortgage last august"
he says in july
i'm screaming
"why didn't you say anything? why do you never say?"
"you're old man owes 60 thou for your schooling"
"there are so many times you could have told me"
but he's the first person i call a month later
to say
"i'm nothing nothing nothing at all"
he knows
"people have been telling you what do to do you whole life"
at 22 minutes
i think it's the longest conversation we've ever had

i hope that house was fucking worth it, you ass

the la la humdrums

in the grey huge castle, we all the know the one;
dust stains my hands black that collects
atop the books sitting on behalf of their makers
who lie dead somewhere. the might of this school stands on their spines
and upon ours bent with the hours click clacking

instead of putting barcodes on their spines
i whip up play delight for myself
i urge the lights to flicker out
my brain spits pink light
imagine a neon violence

yellow clouds gather around my crotch

one by one bones crack

i walk fast through the aisles
stirring the air up with hands
do my spells convince?

and i joke myself into desiring nothingness
laying on the cold linoleum floor there is
simple ease and relief from the endless grey

to be or not to be has never made so much sense
to care or not to care
to nap or not to nap
destruction/boredom/rigamortis/waking up/soft belly/where did everyone go?/candle light/computer haze

so if you post your life
ill post my death
and together itll be like a bright night
something ill be running through