still T-totalling, how about that?

did it ever occur to anybody back in the good ole angry baohaus days that "for nothing, against everything" and "take it down from the outside" is also a False Binary?
ps. if you have an android phone i just published a new app called Crowd Control - think anonymous, localized text chatting by gps.
pps. not drinking makes other substances more effective in general. also makes me a better programmer. also makes my mood much calmer. shockingly, i'm beginning to understand mr. franklin.

a funny thing happened on the way to the admin building

the setting:
a pretty fall friday on the U of C quads. what appear to be the remnants of an RSO fair scattered around, including about 2000 balloons.
the cast: lelimonster and his three young chargers, ages 9, 11, and 13, on their way to visit the mom in the admin building (babysitting [manny?] FTW!). later, Sharlene Holly and eddie from downstairs.
enter lelz with kids:

kids: oooo balloons!!!

lelz: who wants a balloon?

kids: meeeeeee

lelz to only person sitting at any tables anymore: hey mind if we take a couple?

random person: here's my really sharp key go ahead!

lelz: here ya go kids!

enter eddie: hi lelz, nice balloons.
(they chat for a bit - kids play with balloons - lelz ties youngest's balloon to her wrist)
enter Sharlene Holly
(angry) SH: excuse me, do you work for ORCSA?
lelz: uh oh
SH: are those your balloons?
lelz: um
SH: did you steal those balloons?
lelz: no
SH: are you affiliated with the university?
lelz: i work for the hospital
SH: what's your name?
lelz: etc
SH (into microphone): will someone with paper write down (name) + neurology?
lelz: sigh
sh: i'm going to call your supervisor and explain to them that you defaced university property. i would never want to set such an example for children. i would never let you near my own kids.

kids offer balloons back to SH.
SH: no, i would never take balloons from a child!
turns back to lelz

SH: BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
eddie: lady, you're crazy!
kids laugh
eddie continues. sh continues ranting, stalks away angrily.

duration of encounter: 5 minutes
CURTAIN!

so....
in classic LPM style, the email i just sent. we'll have a vote (in the comments, sivooplay):
1. email makes matters worse
2. email results in apology from all sides and warm feelings
3. email gets LPM fired
4. email is ignored.

the email:

Hi Sharlene,
I sometimes make people angry unintentionally, but I really wish I didn't.
Maybe you don't remember, but we crossed paths over 6 helium balloons in the middle of the quads last Friday. I know you were in "event" mode, so I don't hold your actions against you (very much). Still, I feel bad about our interaction - in attempting to ridicule me in front of the kids, although you ended up making yourself look much worse, you also confused the kids, and it was already a stressful day.
Stressful because their mother, who works closely with a very important man in the administration and a former boss of yours, was trying to get a lot done at once and also have a couple minutes to say hi with her kids. She is recently divorced. They were so happy to have a few balloons.
Your actions were, in their mother's words, completely out of line.
So, to conclude, I didn't mean to make you mad then or now. I want to be up front and give you your chance at satisfaction, either by a civilized conversation (hopefully), or by carrying your threat out against me. I didn't lie to you that day, which was what I explained to the children after you stalked away. Lying in any situation, even when confronted by an angry person of authority, is not acceptable. Taking a few balloons, especially when given explicit permission by the only person around (even if slightly misguided), is not a big deal.
Respectfully,
Eli Albert, BA 2010

a letter to the police

dear fort morgan county police force & jail,

fuck you.
i won't deign to thank you for releasing donte today. fuck you for your long-winded bureaucratic oppression, your institutionalized racial and sexual profiling, and for locking up my friend.
this world might be safer and happier if you quit, closed down, and went home to your families and friends and acted like real, compassionate human beings.
oh, and fuck you to police in general for gathering en masse on my doorstep to "protect" east hyde park from black kids hanging out on the stoops. fuck you. we don't need your "protection" or your fearmongering.

yours, with relief and continuing anger,
eliot

Earth Day

this makes me sad and confused

and this just fucking angry

4/20 is really the only holiday that makes sense to celebrate, because you do it every day anyway. Earth Day.... inside a concrete jungle.... antinomythatisironythatisimpossibility.... impossible to feel honest today.

anger management

I, leli mcsquid, have an anger problem.
it all started one bright january day when I was born.
it's been 21.76 years now, and I feel that I've made very little progress.
don't get me wrong - other things have progressed. for instance:
I'm not afraid of water any more.

but still
I'm angry.
wait
too soffffffffft (ft ft ft) -
I seethe, teethe, seethe with
livid, white hot rage

but how can I
little me (i)
encapsulate the pain and hate
that burns inside
at the slightest provocation?
I'll put it to you like this. I hate that I hate. I'm angry that I'm angry. the fact of modern man's suckitude is what makes modern man suck. and not in a fun way, either. it's a vicious circle, but don't bring any british army men into this. they were having a lot of fun. except the part when the guy's head got chopped off by the propeller plane. that was just sad.
(but a little funny) -
we'll call it catch 69, cuz it sucks all the time.