turns out we were getting cancer from sleeping beside our computers all these years!
turns out we were getting cancer from living too long.
once you start living forever you certainly can't be expected to stop.

turns out were exactly what we thought we were
we knew all along
we turn to paste and spread

rise from the august dust, burning burning

where longing and yearning meet the prayer of repetition
as we do not have food to harvest, may we harvest stones
fill our pockets with the grief and joys of history
i will make a bulletin board about my idols and ancestors
on it i will pin "pussy riot" and "arwings khodek" and "maxine"
and the names of my friends

it is august, the skies are smoky,
we prayed for days up at twin lakes and then a fire started,
helicopter swooped down over the blue blue clear lake to scoop up water
to douse the forests.
in august in hugo we have red fuchsia sunsets, bloody moons,
low ceilings,
stinging eyes.

standing in paradocks
living in love
remembering the well
without drowning my fury
electrified by old traumas reenlivened
here we are, this is it.

what is it, to live in a sleepy place?
what is it, this desire for spectacle,
to chain myself to the doors of walmart,
the desire to buy a gun,
it is august and fires are burning,
hey, welcome to the world, have your experience!

[when was the last time you stood up for something you believe in?]

i want to read all the memoirs of men whose lovers died of aids
i want to cut my hair
i want to scream
i want to run to the ocean
i want to be everywhere at once
i want to eat blueberries all year round
i want to die
i want to live
i want to wear floor-length satin and velvet robes and tux jackets with fishnets
i want to live with all my friends
i want to know my ancestors and my grandfathers and my dead friends better
i want to cry
i want to let myself be loved, or believe it's possible
i want to parade with giant puppets
i want the wars to end, the cops to betray their uniforms, naked dance parties in the streets of saint louis, bodies brown red pink blue salmon
i want to crawl into a hole in the ground and be held by my mother
i want to lay bare the human heart
i want to lay bare the human heart