desire: to create a third, a fourth, a fifth woman out of shadow

problem: buttered potatoes in tupperware for days, a tax bill, a paraphilia for my alone body in high ceilings

desire: everything should be beautiful and glass cut and fine

problem: the front facing camera

i have snatches of it - coming over late at night to tickle me in my bed and complain about my elbows digging in, trying to remember any of the names of the characters from how to get away with murder. a fast morning and my lungs pushing up against the day at the beach feeling. the sun in everything. but what if i don't get to own myself?

"like, i’m a poor mentally ill person whose life seems like it’s lived on a different planet from day to day and whose goals and future are dependent on a million precarious factors beyond my control. i don’t think people like me experience ‘fulfillment’ in the same way as other people?"

the mosquitoes are huge this year but i'm not covered in bites. i'm surrounded by people wanting so much all the time. and i want so much all the time. 

desire: to belong only to me

desire: to never be alone

desire: to never need temperature regulation technology