I been careless.

White limo, old old old, on the corner of Kenmore and Thorndale, painted in red on the sides and back, "Stop the killing, be kind to each other." I am surrounded by white people who find the "war" between the "Wilson" and "Thorndale" gangs an amusing urban anecdote, a place to claim faux ownership over our neighborhood, joking, "We'll come out on top, of course." We will, because it won't touch us. Oh, you mean the gang you've claimed as yours! The gangs filled with faces of kids you've never met with problems you don't understand.

Well, shit. Whence the moral superiority, T'mo? You been just as careless, stamping across the landscape with feet just as light and unburdened as these false claimants. Been careless with your money, time, dreams, friendships, drinking, smoking, possessions, food, breathing, sleeping, electricity, windows and doors, locks, keys, tobacco, communication, plans, dates, words. Think yourself into a tizzy. Dream of the devil retiring to an old mansion, the pale blue paper house that appears over and over, burning it to a crisp brown and dressing up your friends as ghouls. Think yourself in circles, go ahead. But that's it, no more.

the beginning of a thought

all of my friends are getting furuncles...i think this might mean something.

The furuncle may begin as a tender, pinkish-red, swollen nodule but ultimately feel like a water-filled balloon. It:

• Is usually pea-sized, but may be as large as a golf ball
• May develop white or yellow centers (pustules)
• May join with another furuncle or spread to other skin areas
• May grow rapidly
• May weep, ooze, crust

i feel it in the static

I AM DOUBLE-FISTING!
hot coffee and cold (well isH) tea
and honestly
i'm ready to go

what a mind burp! the imperceptible mutabilities of my brain have shifted - suddenly my perception is altered so i can see the threads of interlocking connection and of association and CHOOSE which thought to follow. every thought has six or seven other thoughts twined round it by dint of the bridge's collapse and now since yesterday i can choose which ones to follow instead of being pulled down the estuary by my subconscious' fell force. what luck to have stumbled upon my own capabilities! and in the bath no less, mechanically moving to wash my hair, my nose, the back of my knees, but my mind spinning at a speed that says...you won't remember this in the morning.

coffee coffee coffee
caffeine and i have made fast friends this week
buffeting buffeting buffeting me along like a lukewarm blanket for my insides
always leaving behind that one particular aftertaste
and a feeling that my digestive tract is a sluice
but, you know, balzac starbucks dick in a cup of coffee shock and awe and (let's not pretend that we don't want to put our dicks in cups of coffeeeeeeee for a living)

Hi, I'm T'mo and this is my emotional range
dearest kitty, i am everywhere
hi ho friendo, buzz buzz buzz

a whirlygig breather-screamer-singer is ready to burst forth from me
what is the difference between nasty and erotic?
I MEAN, what is the difference between nasty and erotic?
eros
holding hands but between our palms there is peanut butter
and bananas! mashed together squishy squishy squish

forget what i said about perception BECAUSE maybe i was lying and it was all just made up and it never really happened and maybe i'm just beckoning you in so you will get close enough that i can bite you and you scream (careful don't shove your face so far into the pillow, make sure you can still breathe, pretty one little one pretty little one) but still you'll like it because you like it when i bite you and you look real nice with little red blooms all over your skin, so don't pretend

don't play coy with me
hello pretty princess
hello little girl
funny old thing, funny funny little thing, child, creature, sweetness and light
it's a fine thing
it's a fine thing to be alive

lesson learned

life is long

but this moment is short