memory is shit anyway - India Rs 295, memorable the new money blonde wood book shop, the boutique salwars, the fan and pink city walls in gray florescence, the strange drinks and the "your awfully forward for a sophmore" but inside the pages only the passage on his body, but what did my suckers latch on to then? sorry arundhati.

i'm smelling bharat everywhere these days. the street festival tent. inside the wrist of the woman that grips the pole next to my head on the train. the corner of the bar. someone drinking down bidis round an unseen corner. phir bi dil hein hindustani? i imagine i read every book differently before six months ago (this is why i have given away most of my books because it as if i have not even read them and so must start over again), but the silly thing is that i bring the six months with me, so the six months is always six months from today. i see wider now, i said to him, everything is different now. i already forgot what changed though and this is why memory is shit anyway.

you have a terrible memory, kitty, no no no my memory is just for the things you shouldn't have to remember, for the placement of objects and the color of sunburns, why are you talking to me like that? what is this about? okay okay okay shhhhh let me pet you.

if forgetting is an act of violence, then i am the most violent person i know.

it's real it's real if it's real to you

[it is not a mess]

or, it's not a mess

it is tufts of hair and

my dandruff under your fingernails

balls of inch-long threads saved for the tiniest project

dead skin that used to be bread you made me

floss used by our best friends--

isn't it good that we have friends.

even when it's

smeared whiteface waterfall stories

we pass around pain

with promises that we will not offer only trauma as sacrifice to love

(why did we all pull the devil card?)

[and then lift up your head]

spring's coming! equinox on monday--whatcha up to! whatcha planning! spring cleaning? jumping around? planting seeds? tending toward? leaving behind? taking up again? renewing a connection with? calling out? with?

i have had so much paralysis around time and scheduling and being organized recently. it has made it tough to reach out to my buddies brothers faraway family. that's real. and between global warming and travelling east south west north winter has been a skewed kind of simmering quiet; not as much soup as expected; but i am oh yes oh yes ready for the energy these longer days are bringing in. shit's blooming up here in the northwest. doors and flowers and hearts opening and closing like doors and flowers and hearts. my body's been bubbling with tension anger energy enthusiasm desire--today i accidentally threw it all energetically at someone in a coffeeshop and watched him skitter--it's real it's real. i think i'm running trailing rhizomes--

[oh fuck yes]

tender forever, i liked dancing with you

[and the wreck du jour]

oatmeal + miso + olive oil + hot root or a ferment of your choice