to those with messy hair and hungry hearts,

hello

the addicts of sturdy male faces

and the places    where their dicks drag around

lording over barren planes and suggestive crevices

leaking presumptuously looking for shadows to sidle up to.

i had to find something else to fill me, something new

when they were between me i felt empty

when they were just filling a hole 

when i didn’t notice

when i was looking out the window

a quest to go to hell, 
had to get chocolate covered peanuts to unlock the gate? 
had to take little trains to find the chocolate peanuts 
the arthur moore train or the A train, 
trains run between stores, named after stores, 
spent awhile in a cross beween New York & Company and H&M and American Apparel
no chocolate peanuts, don't need these socks
and turned out there was some kind of spell that i couldn't see them 
i was blind to chocolate peanuts
in the bulk bins, 
had to ask for help, 
ate all the other chocolates while i looked, 
both kinds of pretzels and other things,
four tiny chocolate dice. we need them for the trip.
take the corvette or walk to hell? 
walk.

something like a root tapped,
even zapped,

a 2 AM reminder of legs
fingers
and the how many places a body can
blush.
you think it's just there but think even deeper

i think i am in love with pink

i can barely stand to look at anyone's lips.

i am following through as if

yesterday was a soft knock from a friend in the middle of the night.
by which i mean escapes are good
and you must have left your weathered shoes
cuz the footprints continued to climb.

oh lord
the sky is too bright for such lies vvv

I HAVE RENOUNCED MYSELF OF MEN
i vow off their easy attentions
their long, captivating looks
captive no more
dog, you can't have this bone

i don't care if that makes me less than a speck in your book
a speck of dust in your book
too many that you own

you silly man
you have no idea what it is to be me
you have all your clubs of belonging
arms ready to pull you to where you belong to be
oh don't worry,
you think this pretty face is all i need
but when i turn it away (and i'm turning)
is there anything else you see?
no one, ever, expects me to speak.

i don't want your protection.
i'll let this anger take care of me.
to all the fathers of the world,
you are so needy.
you need my respect. why do you need me to feel pleased?
in return, you promise me things. how stupid could you be

i'm tired of parting my legs
i want to do the parting or not at all
i'm tired of being won over only to be left
i want to do the parting or not at all

my father reminds me he is dying
he wants the world's pity.
but the world is ending
and i think the world will end and take them all, wee
at least that's what i heard
men have outgrown their need
one, two, three and let me be

four, you, i haven't even made it to thinking of you.

i've spent the last 3 years resisting vanity
i really don't even want you to look at me
a flower no more
a scab i'll be

so unremarkable a thing to be a girl romantic,
so stabbing, so enflamed a thing to not.

keep poems in your pockets

"the deer lay down their bones" by robinson jeffers
"concerning the rights of mother earth" by monte merrick
"catechism for a witch's child" by j.l. stanley
"hurt hawks" by robinson jeffers
knowing the land is resistance (collective based in the carolinian forest of southwestern ontario)

yes, maybe i am...

got some more for my pockets? (i know you do)

justin/tate,
what of your wedding??

i'm sorry about all the just sounds
it just sounds good
i really don't have anything to say

i don't know what orange or yellow is
they sat next to each other on the sill
that's all
that's all

when you call
i will say
i'm giving this up
i've decided to be good now
ambition is a sickness
and i've been sent to the infirmary

did anyone ever tell you, it's lying to myself that lets me lie to you? oh my angel, i don't know a single thing. i became white white white with all my lies. i am dressed for a christening and a wedding and a funeral. i wear white. i shield my eyes.

screwed from the jump
you're hot
and i'm bored to death of looking

i'm sick on high ceilings
turgid on light

all i've got is orange and yellow
and a yearning for linen
nubs on cloth
the way the light passes through cream colored pjs

i've got eyes and maybe they're bad

you're what absorbs light and shows up in the black window
lamps are there too
but they're giving off

screwed from the jump
the jump i mean is
an older male relative who comes too close
the no-alternatives, lacrosse lifestyle
the wicked tricks of fat distribution as focal point for eyes
is that too much?
i retract
please type [redacted]

i'd rather be paying off synthetic body parts, my love
y'know?
i was born with a perception filter
but it's organic
so you can't pay that back or even really ask for it

i break down machines
i rolled up in foil
and you licked me

have you got a static tongue? have i? have i?

each day i reconstruct what i did today

- breakfast. 1 egg + 1 corn tortilla + decaf coffee, gulped.
- tell the neighbor that their dog is stuck in a tree and thank the boy on the street who told you but was too afraid to knock on the neighbor's door because of the dog (in the tree).
- get free vegetables from the farm across the street because it's saturday.

- slow motion movement  - fucking the space - shaking. 5 minutes each.
- the polish exercises.
  - 1. move across the floor without using your legs, on your back, with your arms crossed across your stomach.
  - 2. same as above, but on your belly, arms dead at your sides.
  - 3. move across floor, legs up in the air, arms across chest. (you can move your legs.)
- low-slow-flow. contact improv, 5 minutes: stay low, move smoothly (flowing), move slow.
- lapdance. in duos; one person lies across other's lap, tailbone aligned with sternum, and rolls over and over toward sitting partner. sitting partner manipulates legs, torso freely, maintaining alignment; switch freely.
- tops and bottoms. in duos; again, perpendicular. bottom partner rolls, attempting to get partner on top to fall off; top partner tries to stay on top, using contact improv principles (i.e. keep giving weight, stay in contact, move smoothly.) switch.
- fixed point of contact. partner up, choose a fixed point of contact between your bodies, excluding the arms past the elbows and legs past the knees. move, holding this point (ex. left shoulder to right collarbone). repeat with a new partner and a more awkward point (ex. mouth to crotch, ear to ear, etc.)
- choose a partner. lie on top of them (face to face, top person is giving full weight) for 5 minutes. after 2 minutes, person on bottom begins talking nonstop (stream of consciousness). top partners go stand against wall and then choose new partners to lie on top of.
- 3-3-3. three people try to get across the floor, can only have 3 points of contact with the floor, must all be in contact with each other, only 3 steps in any given configuration. get across the floor. repeat as 5-4-3 (five people, four points of contact, three steps).

- eat lunch. walk to the co-op. smoke cigarettes. eat ice cream.

- read heteropatriarchy and the three pillars of white supremacy by andrea smith, slow. i.e., 1 person reads a paragraph, then discuss; reread if anyone requests; move on if desired. no need to read the whole article.
- questions game with movement: you can only speak in questions. move freely. ask questions. end whenever it ends.
- restage political theatre developed by keith hennessy/"turbulence" project -- a street theatre piece about the shooting of a bipolar man, 20 times, in a theatre in san francisco. (http://www.sfbg.com/36/17/news_tragedy.html)
- discuss pussy riot. restage "punk prayer/virgin mary, put putin away" with 3 people screaming lyrics (in english) and one person making electric guitar noises. discuss.
- ask keith for book recommendations.
- make out. discuss love and queerness and making art in this world-culture-economy. idea of a  support group for artists confronting political and social issues.

- bike home. check email. smoke a cigarette and try to call my friends. read about the shittiness of uchicago support for survivors of sexual assault and article ideas/submissions for the next issue of the country grind quarterly. drink wine. make macaroni and cheese. write a blog post and think about my day/life.
- bike to a one-woman show of the vagina monologues. cry and laugh.
- walk home with lover. look at the moon and blossoming trees. talk about love and past relationships and projects and freedom.
- eat toast.

you're on your off. will power.

get me out of here

these are words i can definitely say

as power is lurking

self-revolving 

fingering a random orb 

sitting here shaking

considering light

why have i shied away

all these years 

growing straight

not without knobs and chains

a tight coil undressing its tension

a music finds a buried line

something of its own is

rising done with talking

it's 80 n' clear

jouissance sol
jouissance polyritmique
jouissance solo!

old yid, old kid
yr pink streaked on the inside
and so's the sky
you and the sky, kid!

jouissance de star studded overpasses
what's one panhandle or another
welcome to the flat plains
the kid spreads out

it's the sun coming straight for your eyeballs
who's a tight coil?
it's the kid, it's the kid!

kiss the nation-state hello for me old yid
press your lips to the cactus
i don't wanna rock
but i will if i gotta

miss miss uk miss
drove up to mich
and then after that
WELCOME TO TEXAS

i was in jaipur when you were in lucknow
yeah, we all got here the same way
there's money for research
and money for children
ah! allow me to introduce - the girls from Mexico City!

i'm in the borderlands
edgewater and water's edge
i'm pouring myself over the waterfall
of west central texas
tejanos and mexicanos
something about being historically not from here
the transplant flood

can you describe the light quality
of kingston upon thames
for the panel please

can you describe the parlor
in prague before you were an idea
a parlor
or one dusty book shelf?

plaques on the buildings in berlin
horse bones in the mountains maybe
frozen pipes in an old farmhouse
a slant-eyed uncle
and one who looks like a lennon-son
perhaps a lenin-son
and a levinson

on the grass is burnt a huge circle
where the ship touched down
its thrusters blasting a million degrees
and after that
what can you farm there?

i welcome my darling to texas
him and me and girls from Seattle
we burrow in
this is boring and this happens again

Mel Gibson has a house in my anus.

9/7/09
that's all i wrote
the title?
what the fuck

it's february 2014
what have you dropped in your nearly 5 years?
shit, nearly 5
i really want to know

p.s. goin through our drafts guys
p.s. i have been trying to reconcile my old selves
p.s. memory is shit
p.s. you, you were always, and continue to be, so brilliant

wow, i forgot i wrote this and now i don't even remember who it was for

i bought you a planet and a shore and you can have it if you ask because even though i had to pay all these dollars to get it it was kind of worth and i'd always thought i'd rather give it to someone else than keep it for myself. there are no shelves and no tables and nowhere to keep your stuff and it's not the most comfortable and there are no amenities like running water or electricity, but i'm sure we can build that if we like. and there's no guarantee that someone else won't buy me out, because that's the nature of the market. and i know the sand looks terrible because so many people have been here before and we might have to spend weeks picking up the debris and who knows what's in the woods over there because i forgot to bring my map. no they were out of maps at the visitor center. i'm probably totally allergic to the flora here.

you can have it. you can have it because i think you think that no one would think to do that for you. you're so dumb. you're a dolt, an idiot.

i have such poetry in my mouth that must be written on your neck in saliva. here is my promise: i'll never want to marry you, but i will want to fuck you by the time i've cropped my hair close and started to only wear Eileen Fisher. god, i hope you're still dumb then too. i hope you never get wise.