In-class, internetical conversation between T'mo and Toast

T'mo: i feel like i can't use words in this room

for fear of offending people

Edoobs: same, i hate it here

my mood is instantly worse

i hate everything

life sucks

ive never felt so sad and lonely

i am completely drunk

my veins are filled with heroin

i can hardly see straight

but strangely my spelling is largely unaffected

my hearing is shot

my eyes are filled with pus, i dont know why

1:47 PM i forgot an apostrophe in the contraction above, i think it's because i'm so drunk and obliteratedly high

everyone looks like chicken thighs to me

i forgot to look at the coupon booklet for the local cvs this morning

my grandmother will never forgive the extra cents i will spend on my afternoon gatorade which she will count when i get home

after counting all of those wasted cents

she will detract all of them from my marshmellow allotment in my hot cocoa

1:48 PM which she makes from a box of packets she bought in paris during WWII

which is secretly a douch-ing kit

but i've never had the heart to tell her

people simply thouhgt that douch-ing was improved by the use of cocoa in WWII

me: you are making a fool of me right now

Edoobs: this statement has been proven false numerous times and it's appalling that she still thinks so

i can't shit but i can pee freely, an unexpected turn of bowel events

1:49 PM the clouds are closing in

the sun is dying

this is both metaphorically and literally true

when it dies, which can only seem likely to happen in my lifetime, today or later this week

i will be sad, and literally, dead

1:50 PM this turn of events will come, probably suddenly, but with open arms from my end

because im so depressed and blindly and deafly drunk and hig

h

i have lost my will to live anyhow and have decided, until my imminent death

to pursue a major in human development

which i find ironic because i've made up my mind that no human develops, only wallows further in the great mire of human turds and elephant shit

1:51 PM i have no strange or specific love for elephant shit, it is simply the nature of reality

pure and squarely simple

i've called out for help but grandma stifles my cries with exotic fruits she hurls at me with a water balloon launcher, an appartus she bought on sale and often reminds me of

my ability to type slows, the darkness descends

i ask jesus to pull my plug from the great cosmic machine to which it is attached

1:52 PM he grins and with a jowly and somehow jaundiced drool tells me assuredly that he will not help

i died.

1:53 PM T'mo: el oh el

group of 8000

hi kids,
after an exhausting, exhilarating, and downright fucking sweet two days of protesting and naughtiness, i'm back in the burbs with my folks (that is, far from the action but part of the problem; but speaking personally, safe and mostly sound).

tmo's last post on fear was really fascinating for me to read in light of my experience in the past few days as well as this summer, playing around with so many scenes and headspaces and new experiences. after my last trip, i decided (to leli in the back o the station wagon) to eliminate fear from my life. to me, this meant shedding my fear of social repercussions for my actions--following through on my desires without fearing the law (or the dark.) but last night i dreamt of cops and woke up sweating. when i close my eyes i see riot cops. i can't shake off the feeling of running, not knowing when my clothes and actions will make me criminal since the rules don't really matter. in the past two days, i have become aware of more cop/military surveillance and experienced more fear of surveillance than ever in my life...and then there was the incredible polarization of pittsburgh, a rhetorical accomplishment by the state, police, and media that made "normal pittsburghers" cast their eyes aside as i walked down the sidewalk. that made ME an object of fear in college dorms and lunchrooms, and not for legit reasons. in contrast to the intense solidarity of protesters, fear had boarded up windows, shut down classes, and many students and business owners seemed rallied against these destructive outsider crazy whacko anarchists (what does that even mean). i heard they pee on people, hide in tunnels to slash tires, etc. etc.

i'm excited to come back and talk to you all and tell you about some crazy shit that went down. dunno if you've been following the news. many people were arrested and i am free, trying to construct a rationale for why things happened as they did. i'll see you all (or most) on sunday night.

with queeranarcholove and solidarity,
winknight