oh sink me,
the child wanders out of Idyll
a tree-lined ferme ornee, manufacturing young ladies
does not make for solid ground when relegated to memory
how ancient the thought that one could always be In Uniform
married this year to this canonical text and next year to that
and the once springy ground, mossy and leaf strewn and musky
that heaved back at the step of her lined calves
which were all tennis tennis tennis
proves now to be a sinkhole
and she finds as she tumbles into the pit
not Virgil
not even Cicero, Lugubrious and hand outstretched
no Elysium alongside a pond
not even an eerie moor and a big black dog
just an endless plane of muck and more muck
unpopulated and reaking, Grendel's fen
which squelches underneath her sneakers
and to distract herself she looks at the sky

the twinkle twinkle works its magic on the hardest of hearts

how strange! an occultist borne from the shucked skin of an Enlightenment size-queen.
though if soap actors can become consciousness freaks
and groomed conservative child-kings end up writing for Canadian Zine-Empires
then perhaps not so strange
and now believing:
each human body giving off a certain frequency
music working only when it resonates in the body
hitting some strange inverse or opposite
and
spirit guides like saints but with much less strenuous standards for beatification
calling upon the dead for strength
in any foxhole
especially those with dirty lipstick red mouths
each one for each purpose
and
Charlotte Bronte's notion of strings
broken ribs strewn all over the place
the dust of bones ground under our feet blanketing the world
and
THE UNNAMED AND UNNAMEABLE
the ache that will always be and always taunt
the whispering thing, "yes I am here, I am here, come home"
and
emotional vampires/energy sucks/soul killers
split souls and lies so perfectly opposite to each other to cancel out
and
liberal rage as being so lame
and
language not needing to be preserved but fucked
in the nicest sense
tongued and licked and rolled
and
CLOWNS!

which is to say
belief can be so pure and flat and white and smooth
and explode of all a sudden into something else entirely
the shapely, gentlemanly hands of history
can slide off your neck and you can breathe

one feeling

coming back from witch camp
2 days later we drove into the city
to go to a dance space
and have a circle, shared breaths,
pushing pullling sweaty fleshy sinews
dance dance
and i feel it so hard
so sad
to dance in the presence of humans as the only life in the room
no roots to tickle my feet up to my knees
no branches to inspire my waving arms
no tall grasses to nudge my inner thighs
no sun shining to squint my eyes
no insects to buzz and "disrupt" with their divine intervention
bird calls
the scent of broken yarrow
non-humans can be our greatest teachers
in this dance of living, of feeling

massachusetts, the first state to make education compulsory

last night i went to a film called "waiting for superman"
it is about the american education system, in its current awfulness
gosh it is so sad to see what is happening out there, and hard to understand
it seems to have changed so much even since i was in school
so many children are being shut out and left behind
thinking life is not for them...that they wont make it.
what fear and burden to carry around at such a young age.
the main blame are the outdated teachers' unions that make it impossible to fire the bad ones.
out of history these unions arose to protect women, but now all they do is perpetuate the shit-show and protect lazy assholes
allowing no competition or innovation. i would normally say competition is bad thing but in this case it could be beautiful.
and the situation is so ridiculous, unbelievable
that we all stand by, our leaders especially, and act like our systems are stronger than we are
that we cant change what has been written down for years.
it is no wonder why america is going on in the way it is
no fresh ideas, no innovation.
im getting a real good insight right now because the friend i am staying with is training to become a teacher
and it real passionate.
there are so many
teachers getting fat and dim, texting during class, reading magazines, getting bored, getting marriend, lacking wonder
and it all gets worse as the neighborhood income drops.
every now and again a master teacher comes along and shows them how it is done
but it doesnt matter because the bad ones cant be fired
and the good ones cant be rewarded
SUCH A FUCKING JOKE
stirs me right up
adults are selfish and unwilling to change, they wont even do it for their children
they have to be right.
....i see the potential in becoming a teacher and the joy in protecting the life-force of a child
encouraging it is truly a way to change the world
im a thinking about teaching in some capacity
you have to be so many things a friend, a performer, a singer, personable, loving, one step ahead of the youngins, but also open to their wisdom, and so much more....! gosh i fear for the ones who think if they dont graduate they will be nothing,
breaks my heart

i know school sucks, but so long as it is here
and kids have to go then this crap has to stop.

i want to slam america against a wall
and yell in its face
what the fuck are you doing
if we are nothing
america is nothing