along with our fellow squidmates

FOLLOW ME, MY SQUIDS, AND YOU WILL BE PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOU'VE EVER KNOWN

Fanfare for Ms. E. F. C

Meine Dame Und Herren und everything in-between or beyond that spectrum,

I give you Em Le Fay
Erstwhile Englishwoman in the County of Fyfe (after the Thane thereof)
Scholar and Soon-to-be Asset Manager
Cross-Atlantic Nomad
All-Around Encyclopedia of Minutiae
Former Co-President of the Dramatic Society
Receiver of a Glass of White Wine
and
my friend, Former Citizen of My Heart

Quoth the Economics Student, "It's not like I'm going to be happy anyway, so I might as well do a job that makes me a good deal of money. Then I can retire and do what I like." Quoth the Follower of Dr. Johnson and Adam Smith, "It's hard to do a thing you love, why ruin it? Get out, while you can." Quoth she, "No one around me has got their head screwed on right."

I give you Em Le Fay
Wearer of Sensible Winter Coats and Good Jeans
Attendant of Assessment Pools
(which I gather are rather like group auditions)
Applicant to the Financial Giant J.P. Morgan Stanley
Half of Matt and Emma
Recaller of the Tiny Details of the Political Machinations of the Alma Mater
(and Extensive Recounter thereof)
Drinker of Blue Drinks
Giver of Earfuls
Former Partner-In-Crime

I can't really remember half the people she mentions in conversation. My mind is going is my excuse. That time I puked so hard vessels burst in my eyes cleared away most of 2004-2005. Don't mind me, I'm listening.

She says, "You know, [insert favorite teacher here] once told me that she was worried about you. Sort of unsure of where you would end up. Of who you'd be." I open my mouth to speak as this is news to me, but these days it's hard to get a word in edgewise. The last time we saw each other, she was but two days out of the removal of her wisdom teeth and still talked my ear off for nigh on seven turnings of the hour. I think, "We're not all that different, you and me, scrabbling for happiness on this unhappy plain."

I think, "Remember the evening when we were at school late and no one was around and it was pouring (like it is tonight) and we ran out onto the field made of ASTROTURF and dumped cans of Coke onto their precious and expensive lacrosse/field hockey pitch in an act of nascent radical violence? Before we knew those words? And how we howled in the night and ran giggling back inside to the stares of our less-bedraggled classmates and winked at each other for the offense we had committed? Do you remember? Well, do you?"

Exit Em Le Fay
Helena to my Hermia
Shylock to my Bassanio
One Half of a Pair of Strange Little Girls
Citizen of My Heart

BAO!

In-class, internetical conversation between T'mo and Toast

T'mo: i feel like i can't use words in this room

for fear of offending people

Edoobs: same, i hate it here

my mood is instantly worse

i hate everything

life sucks

ive never felt so sad and lonely

i am completely drunk

my veins are filled with heroin

i can hardly see straight

but strangely my spelling is largely unaffected

my hearing is shot

my eyes are filled with pus, i dont know why

1:47 PM i forgot an apostrophe in the contraction above, i think it's because i'm so drunk and obliteratedly high

everyone looks like chicken thighs to me

i forgot to look at the coupon booklet for the local cvs this morning

my grandmother will never forgive the extra cents i will spend on my afternoon gatorade which she will count when i get home

after counting all of those wasted cents

she will detract all of them from my marshmellow allotment in my hot cocoa

1:48 PM which she makes from a box of packets she bought in paris during WWII

which is secretly a douch-ing kit

but i've never had the heart to tell her

people simply thouhgt that douch-ing was improved by the use of cocoa in WWII

me: you are making a fool of me right now

Edoobs: this statement has been proven false numerous times and it's appalling that she still thinks so

i can't shit but i can pee freely, an unexpected turn of bowel events

1:49 PM the clouds are closing in

the sun is dying

this is both metaphorically and literally true

when it dies, which can only seem likely to happen in my lifetime, today or later this week

i will be sad, and literally, dead

1:50 PM this turn of events will come, probably suddenly, but with open arms from my end

because im so depressed and blindly and deafly drunk and hig

h

i have lost my will to live anyhow and have decided, until my imminent death

to pursue a major in human development

which i find ironic because i've made up my mind that no human develops, only wallows further in the great mire of human turds and elephant shit

1:51 PM i have no strange or specific love for elephant shit, it is simply the nature of reality

pure and squarely simple

i've called out for help but grandma stifles my cries with exotic fruits she hurls at me with a water balloon launcher, an appartus she bought on sale and often reminds me of

my ability to type slows, the darkness descends

i ask jesus to pull my plug from the great cosmic machine to which it is attached

1:52 PM he grins and with a jowly and somehow jaundiced drool tells me assuredly that he will not help

i died.

1:53 PM T'mo: el oh el

more importantly

wow his burrow looks kind of like our house.
maybe we could be the burrough/burrow?