so now that i have to get up early in the morning

only been up for eighteen hours, but would've been sleeping already. plan to be up for another ten or so, reverse reverse reverse the usual schedule, operate in daylight hours. dizzy, cured of my ability to speak, biding the time. half-drunk, half-mad, stark as winter light, aching to lay down, itchy in my own skin, wearing all of my clothes at once like that'll keep me safe. can't read or can but the words make sounds but don't make sense, buzzing from patch to patch in the same cluster of rooms, waiting for this to pass. a test of will. ignore the cat's mewling, tidy up to come back to neat home and a made bed. the reptile brain wants to sleep because it knows it needs to. the floral brain breathes reset reset reset so our aura can burst forth shining instead of dimmed by vague recollections and verses of old psalms that do more to disturb than salve. dirty cigarette mouth gnawing. dirty chipped nail polish fingers crossing. last man standing nose sniffing buried in the scarf that bears up a very old very tiny crumbled dusting of weed. eyes strange neighbor watching. who are these people? their stringy hair upsets my otherwise unoccupied and addled brain. all i want is to not fall asleep as sun the comes up.