mucus spittle dirty snow exhaust fumes, stolen glitter to glisten on our black black shoes our pale faces and the frozen black bananas.
Proposition Hawaii: PEOPLE ARE HAPPY IN PARADISE. Everything is one (what do you mean? a tree? a root? how do you see it? no, just everything. you don't see it, you feel it. what kind of feeling? pre-conscious, conscious? just a feeling, a giant crashing wave)
The organic farmers here are young and dreadlocked, beaming with the quiet energy of having sat by a fire for a week brewing shamanic potions. debord is shrinking in my pocket, theft has been replaced by eating coconuts and papayas from the trees, smoking abundant bird-feeder weed with papaya branches.
the next few months are going to be exhilirating. why fight capitalism when you can escape it? (HOHOHOHOHO)
nastiness, critical theory, anarchy, sm have been saving graces in a cold world whose pleasures are not in the stars or close to earth. but it's been a bubble all the same, university but also cities, having always lived in mega megalopolises.
I can't imagine that digging my hands into the earth for two months will entirely replace years of twisted fascinations with funeral oratories to president bush, singing transvestites, slapping, clowning--- the CULTURE AND SOPHISTICATION OF CITY LIFE. but but but my body is ready to get off the grid.
baohaus love! A different altar that even in paradise shoves itself up my ass. detox detox detox (ahi fish? chicago? paradise?)I miss each one of you hard.
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rollyrollyrolly reading this made me miss you and summer and youinsummer.
ReplyDeletethe body the body it has its own logic and desires;
ReplyDeletesometimes i love the grid's lines, i love living underinbetweeninthecracks-of the grid, then i am so confused by the contradictions of living, i think there is no off the grid but
the answer of sunshine and earth to no question i can articulate.
miss you too.
are you down south already??
ReplyDelete"nastiness, critical theory, anarchy, sm have been saving graces in a cold world whose pleasures are not in the stars or close to earth. but it's been a bubble all the same, university but also cities, having always lived in mega megalopolises."
ReplyDeleteand yes this sentiment rings true so much with me but ive been thinking as ive been away from these things that do i really just do them when im cooped up in chicago because im cooped or when im out here (more free in some ways i suppose) can i translate nastiness, (the answer is YES) to this atmosphere in a similarly fulfilling way, meaning there is a sort of purpose to it. but glitter still feels a little bit performative in a notgood way. even most of my lipstick i had to give away. im sure i'll wear it and play dress up when im back but not here. i play in other ways.
where "meaning is implied by translatability and performance is the poison of self-doubt", as once spoke a very self-doubting person-person.
ReplyDeletemalic I miss you too and am sorry we never got to hang out more before leaving each other
ReplyDeletez we leave for down south at the very end of the month. i'm excited to learn of other ways to play
lels: performance is the poison of self-doubt is a hard one. what if the performativity becomes so second nature as to no longer feel like a performance? missing you
in that case, self-doubt has transformed into trauma. (I'm keeping up with the jargon by making it up as I go along)
ReplyDelete