gotta say it gotta say it

oh this song -- "loose lips" by kimya dawson

[so if you wanna burn yourself remember that i love you
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that i love you
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that i love you

call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i'll be your friend]

i have been sitting with the recent suicide of my friend, this beautiful beautiful 18-year old boy i knew who wore funny sweaters and had just alit into flight, hitchhiking across the country from one portland to another to a punk show where he danced hard hard hard and shouted "i need a place to live!" and he went to the library every day and was a feminist and queer ally and hadn't really fallen in love yet and i wanted to kiss him one day when he was a little bit older. i don't have that much to say about it right now. except the realization that of course of all the people i know and love there are probably at least a bunch who walk a line of wanting to fall off the other side and maybe i don't tell people enough that they are hella important and their voices are needed in the world and i love them and i would miss them. so this is the stupidest way to do it perhaps but it's real right now for me.