Tuesday, December 6, 2011

nailed

and being the last to leave this time, after sacrificing leaving to the great fire at samhain.
that has meant: sticking around to see what happens, fighting my desire to leave prematurely, to make casual exits and smoke a cigarette on the way home, admitting when things feel really good, maybe trading rhizomes or roots or budding fungal networks for beloved light burdens and roadsnaxxx.
right here right now
soon headed to the bay
trading newfound comfort challenge falling-into for pilgrimages in the name of family
to return and to be returned to
and the integration of all selves isn't always comfortable
but i'm convinced there's something important in it.

yesterday i found a cabin in the woods and tried to get in through the chicken coop.
i have admitted that the moon is important.
i have told the sun that i miss it when it's not around.
i have come to remember cold fingers and cold toes and the pleasure of layers.
i am ready for something.

maybe that's all,
the mirrors in my life are shrouded for the moment
i trust that i am doing okay.
i repeat: our community is strong and resilient.
i repeat my prayer for strength and clarity.
i repeat: you are loved and needed
cause what i put out keeps on coming back

so i will collect my things, pull them out of boxes and cracks in the sidewalks
and put a shim in my heart to keep it cracked open
cause that's how the light gets in

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