would it kill anyone to fucking laugh around here?

all these new entries what a f ea s t !

i can imagine the people i know writing these words

and for a moment it is something like talking, looking in eyes

the voices

i am finally moving onto another farm:

Farm

a. farm

• farm

- farm

b. farm

though it´s only been a week here: arguments! about farming! fever! screaming balls and kids! yucky butt! tender!

gahh the farms are all seeming such the sames

fences, fields, roofs, dreams, family, trying, will, doing, hard, love

no fire, no electric souls, running dancing

people want to use my body and its youth

i heard a song that said:

"do not forget the power and beauty of your youth, and

take care of your knees"

who do i think i am?

im weary folks and shifty eyed, so like the slippery old kid of bygone

reimagining myself moment by moment

(the audience rolls their eyes, i roll mine, we all roll them together and sigh

then get up and boogie)

j´s on the run again

soon but not so soon

moments are what i deal with here. they are

what i triumph, dance around, numb myself to. i try i try and sometimes fail at the moment

i can fail horribly, but i am getting better.

when i first got here i battled with

the smoke, the eating, the drinkies

on and on

intimidated by the moments, and i thought

i was safe.

had i not learned from childhood and pride how to be alone?

still the cities offer so much subtle stimulation

emanating swirling or the easy walking out of the door to a lovely face

so much so much.

peace, silence, aloneness in the city feel like warm campfires id love to come sit around

peace, silence, and aloneness here, in this isolation they bite and shiver cant figure em out

yet

in norway the mountains and sea rule all else.

everything bows to them, (i look around, should i bow too?)

and trees and animals and such seem an afterthought.

but still the little forests and rivers nourish somehow even the most homesick heart but

when i walk away from them though no chance!

the spell wears off

got to find a troll to follow me around with one

im growing bored and wrathful toward norwegians .

there are so many things i could say and want to say to friendly eyes

but it would feel like dumping.

i think it would feel like rain, dark grey rain

not bright sun, not like summer

ill just say: would it kill anyone to fucking laugh around here?