mochi pie in oven, CA

didnt know life could be like this in america.
places like this are what i thought i desired>>>>>
but no.
desire is taken at the instant i call it my own
then churned through THE MACHINE (a kind of joke) and
spit out charading as the same desire
but so different
now fetishized, aestheticized.
disambiguation has happened
and so has hollowness

desire is not being able to have exactly what you want.
the machine, or whatever we want to call it doesnt get that. better yet:
we dont get that
when we get what we want
we die:
our exact undreams stand erect as graves before our sleep is even over
but made of balsam wood and echoing no substance

tonight i am in california and am in the mood to think: no this is not what i have wanted.
i dont want anything anymore .
but by saying this i imply i want everything
genuine
intentional
and more
which just might happen by rejecting wanting in order to have and be
dunno


so, ill try and try again to take all i care for and choose my own movement
not the movement of the collective with all its trinkets and insignia
and lies like hope + mass awakening.
perhaps choose to be poor but rich.
choose how to be possible and why.
the sun will be out
and i might ask you
what do you care about ?
let's keep together