general saber stambam reporting to base in re: this our war of BaoHaus v sadness and badness and robots (what a noble cause!). troops mobilizing, guerrillas formulating and snipers adjusting sniper rifle enemyfinders here at ground zero, chicago il USA in my brain. battle commencing: saber v body. we find body to be source of badness, possibly robots. situation: contact with physical matter. usually hard, often inanimate. effect: lesions. pus. blood. contusions. fluids amassing and masses afluiding. major causes: unfamiliarity w/ territory. inhabitants of landmass: BODY, despite length of occupancy and repeated attempts to make nice w/ locals, find terrain alien and unkind. here we have your typical case of colonizer v natives. reportage of consistent attempts to sabotage settlers. methods: trippery, intentional distortion of depth perception, miscalculation of distance and objects between points A and B. repeated racquetballery. constant scratchery/mr. cattery. consumption of Sinful Consumptibles prove to SABOTAGE ATTEMPTS of PEACEMAKERY. we must mobilize NOW.
tactics: 1. trickery. catch enemy at own game. mutilate us, we mutilate you! details: intentional buttonery, occasional haircuttery, ear piercingization. advocate bodmoddery! 2. love your enemy as you love yourself! acceptance of The Bruise as a work of art. what beautiful colors can YOUR body sport, all at once?! danger: tendency towards desire to self-inflict. desire averted, with help of weapon: PAIN. 3. learn to think like your enemy. grassroots community outreach! seeking volunteers. education and health awareness positions available! program: declumsify. walk straight lines! stand straight, ride bike sans falling. eradicate Spontaneous Bite-the-Dustery! 4. INTRODUCE SOFTNESS TO LIFESTYLE. REMOVE HARD TANGIBILITY. REPLACE WITH FOAM AND COTTON BALLS.

current location: hot on tail of enemy. close, on top of, inside of but not a part of. this is hard. enemy: BODY is both tricky and boring. am considering abandonment for More Interesting Foes.

general saber stambam over and out.