snippets of tuesday

i wake early to attempt to gather myself.
it has rained over night
the trunk of the palm outside my window is dark
it is nearly 8
and the city has not quite woken up, soon the honks of scooters
motorcycles rickshaws trucks cars and buses will fill the air.
a child yells,
hammers strike unnamable somethings

i lean out
to smell the morning air and i recoil
this city smells
of exhaust, of processed food rotting in its packaging, soaked in
dog's urine, chewed on by goats and cows, rotting again in their
stomachs.
there are so many lives in this space, (massive banyon&mimosa trees
emerge from every patch of dry earth, green everywhere)
but i see little happiness.
except in the faces of the girls at the school where i go to play.

i saw two dead dogs yesterday. the first time i've seen that. lying on
their backs in the sunlit gutter, stinking, i wonder when they will
disappear.
also yesterday alex (a friend) asked somewhat facetiously where the
mystical india was that he came to find himself in. i said not in the
cities, hannah says i dont believe in finding myself.

i fasted yesterday, and was tired in the morning, but pepped up when
necessary. a good exercise for every month, maybe more. i am thinking, gathering words about the body, ascetism, renunciation, liberation, immortality, devotion, god, the everything. reading the upanishads (beautiful text) and bhagavad gita (krishna is an asshole).
this weekend is diwali. our class scatters for week-long breaks. i go
solo to delhi and the himalayas.

"what do you do when life can't always be beautiful?" writes alonso from cusco, high high in the andes. 

p.s. dunno why the formatting/line breaks are funky. we'll deal.