bigger than this

i once wrote
that i would rather stay a mystery in silence
than be wrapped in any words

but then i learned the quick joy of chatter
of smiling with sounds
of bubbling and boiling with tongue play
and always the music
which we know fills us with meaning
more than anything else
, don't we?
like a spell
like some secret language we're only beginning to speak

still there are times
where to be utterly alone is to be utterly content
and where there is
nothing
more
eloquent
than nothing,
is there?

alone i do not have to worry about your love
i can dance about with my several selves
i can wear a dress in order to look like the wind
i can hope that soon maybe tomorrow
the dress will be superfluous
and wading in the sky i'll be

the banyan trees don't say much
but they are serious about their stature
it can be measured by the number they sink into the world
which radiate
not out
like a summer skirt
not like trees that only skim the surface
but drop down from their canopies
like a million little arms
each a cry in space
each a long tear that drop drop drops for everyone

talking to you is like looking up to the leaves of the banyan
and beyond
i open my eyes
seeing not the leaves and their forward flirting and falling
not seeing how no two are like
or how each is itself glorious cause
for a symphonic conversation
but instead focusing on the spaces in between and behind
the spaces so evenly spaced, with such legible luminosity, they must
just must
spell something in the language of the sky
a message you could finally make out
..if only you could open your eyes a bit wider
..if only the song was a little bit longer

which is not to say that i am trying to make sense of your silence
or to be reading between the lines of your words
although to be sure this silence has its say
but that when together
the stars come into focus
like our family in the sky, like the stories of all who are and ever have been
patterns of light that place us in the great human tragedy
our longing comes forward as something new and raw, yet imbued with past lives past loves
of someone old

i start to see you then
fall in fall in fall in fall out

a branch breaks
we fall from the tree and we puncture the spell
the world closes its book
and here we are in leaves again

please world, continue to read to me sometimes

i understand how you both wish to be known
and remain a secret