two posts within 24 hours

today what a nice foggy thing cant believe 26 degrees feels warm
i have my pants rolled up

i will stop going to my classes and am feeling very buoyant
realizing my agency and wielding it despite the words (sometimes my own) of caution, of expectation -- o b l i g a t i o n
ill continue my dance class though because it is fun and feels good

my nature/environmental class was especially getting to me
i found myself at the end of each one incredibly tight in the muscles and face
and feeling unlocatably angry, unlocatable because my whole was reacting to this droning violence not just a part
my brain had to fight off so much blatant reductionism and convenient assumptions put out by the professor who spoke like a loom spinning and spinning unchecked
it was exhausting trying to protect all the mind-heart-work, mind-renewal i have been doing this past year. my brain couldnt wear his ideas, it had expanded beyond fitting
so i did a k, bye
and next came my drawing class
domino effect
guess at this point i am just not interested in doing anything i dont want to do
and i have desires
it has to be genuine at this point or nothing
dont give the faintest shit about bourgeois safety net, or the $ching$ching
some days,
there are so many ways to stay the same;
a kind of day
i feel id rather die than pretend to live