she who got radicalized on gchat
she sleeps on a pile of books and empty takeaway cartons
in a boudoir of her own
someone is slicing themselves up in the other room
she wakes up in the mornings to a sink full of blood
stands over it to brush her teeth
and wipes away the twitching silverfish caught there
goes to work and reads the world on the box
talks through a sour smile
she's rents an oddly empty house, not entirely by design
and most everyone she knows has always been personally in the red
the youth of today dream of debtors prison
long for the honesty of it
the dickensian fantasy lost to the genius of the 21st century
better working and paying than locked in a cell and not paying anything at all
The Purported They said
The Purported They being for all intents and purpose much like the weather
or gravity
pushing and shoving
without being seen
suzy creamcheese has friends
who are the ill and the perverted and the melancholy and the strange
but if everyone is the ill, perverted, melancholy, strange
are they any longer just that?
suzy and her friends saw The Purported They at an open air market
just once
They were there, looking around at the soft limbs and wet tongues
They had huge hands and eyes so dry and crusty they were barely slits to see through
suzy&co saw them
and tried to tell everybody
but no one believed them
so the nice girls and boys creamcheese weren't so sure they had seen anything at all
so suzy creamcheese went home to bed
to watch the silverfish and mice scurry about
and wonder what to wear the next day
______________________________________________________________________________
no one is sure if mr. berringer is real
Ethan: the on stove espresso maker pee-steamed a double shot into mr berringer's lips
10:49 AM moments
later, he decided not to go to work, made popcorn, covered it in
chocolate sauce, and watched Fight Club on his left monitor, and porn on
his right
thirty minutes later he had a stroke whilst masturbating
10:51 AM me: may we all go out like mr. berringer
he's a hero
i heard he once went up to the check out counter at urban outfitters with everything in the store
10:52 AM kissed everyone behind the counter
swiped his food stamps card
laughed and ran out again
Ethan: lol-ing at my desk is becoming an issue
but this needs to continue
10:54 AM me: he has the largest collection of pens stolen from offices
(or had he's dead now of course)
(except he's eternal)
(and so on)
10:55 AM he made the collection into some sort of teepee
it was in the whitney biennial
but then a blogger was like
"yo that's racist and appropriating"
so his art career floundered
(hence spiraling into a porn/popcorn rage blackout)
10:56 AM Ethan: hahahahaha
11:00 AM me: he may or may not have inspired the girl with the dragon tattoo
he was in sweden for a while
and he didn't have facebook during that period
Ethan: oooooh lord
me: so no one really knows for sure
11:01 AM Ethan: tweets by a group of swedish teenagers rumored to have met the man were unconfirmed by his estate
one of the boys said "i can totally see his ass crak"
11:02 AM me: an intense upswing in traffic to said teenagers' twitter handles
led to the adoption of swedish hairstyles among the people of brooklyn
11:03 AM and therefore montana
11:05 AM Ethan:
on an unusually sunny february day in midtown manhattan, mr berringer
did not go to starbucks. he pressed face to the window, made a lewd
gesture, and Skipped away, yanking a young girl by her pony tail and
shoving her roughly into a NY Times stand on the wy
the
girl was later discovered to have been a struggling actor, Mr
Berringer's neighbor who had once cat-sat for him for a total of an hour
and a half.
11:06 AM when asked why mr berringer asked her to do this little somewhat violent circus act
she simply said "i think he's unhappy. but also $400"
11:11 AM me:
when style bloggers are asked to describe mr. berringer's personal
style who did not have the pleasure to meet him before he died, they
usually say something along the lines of "like I don't know some sort of
Swiss Guard slash late 1950s southern mental institution guard slash 14
year old vampire slash deep sea diver"
also
"he likes neon"
and
"he started the armpit cut out trend"
"possibly because he sweats so profusely"
"no one knows"
or
11:12 AM "is he responsible for translucent pvc nipple panels"
and
"i've never seen him in the same room as anna wintour. coincidence, i think not?"
11:13 AM Ethan: ah man
11:14 AM me: he was truly great
Ethan: so we hear
me: i met him once
Ethan: o yea?
11:15 AM me: yeah but i can't tell you about it because he swore me to secrecy
all i will say is
Ethan: why did he swear you to secrecy?
me: well i was pregnant for like 20 minutes
it was really confusing
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