i am cooped up here at the office, alone, like i have been all week, filing and answering phone calls along with other silly boring things (copying faxing sweepingemailsorganizingupdatingpprwrk) that Someone has to do so that art can happen (somewhere else), which is the tragedy of arts administrators everywhere! i do it because these are my dues for all of the art and shit that i will create later when i'm OLD ENOUGH and have earned it (and money). this is what i tell myself while i am vacuuming a giant blue expanse of foam for the third time in a week (sisyphus, i know your plight!) or entering 666 names into a black hole of an internet database. the problem being, of course, i tell myself, that i look like i am 14 so at this rate will NEVER be old enough; therefore i must take drastic measures, i reason, like having my freckles surgically removed and making a concerted effort to stop chewing on my lower lip (this also gives you Mouth Cancer), but this is obviously silly because at 14 the Olsen Twins already owned AN ISLAND at least (i remember seeing that on nickleodeon), and they will always look like starving horrible children playing some macabre game of dress-up.
so i think it ("it" being not-this, something akin to general productivity and happiness) is actually all about being super-something, like super-special at something or super-different in certain super-specific ways at super-specific times in your life, which is actually actually all about being super-lucky, but not unbearably so, because it's also about something like talent and outlook on life, and i guess that's ok. what i'm thinking about right now is how many different kinds of lives there are and how that makes everyone's perception of the world fundamentally incompatible but also how everything works so that, mostly, everyones' incompatible perceptions can operate in the same framework and generally allow for general smooth operations, that is of course in peacetime and disregarding things like violence and poisoned minds and insidiousness everywhere; i'm talking about the amazingness of going into the cafe across the street and being able to communicate my desire for a small cup of coffee to a person who understands the world in a completely different way than i do and getting that coffee without too much fuss, and on top of that generally feeling like my day is better because we shared a greeting and a smile that even despite our completely different lives and thoughts meant the same thing, i think, to both of us, namely, security-if-not-sincerity.
the most taxing thing in my life, right now (besides digesting ethan's DELICIOUS if difficult-to-digest stew), is processing other peoples' perceptions of the world!

PLEASE: have a day that's as beautiful as you.