j in mexico

after first civ class finished we were suddened off to mexico city where it seems i went to become the epitome of poop. i smell like it, i look like it, i live it. i must have eaten something fucked up at the beach. just started taking antibiotics because i think pooping like this is not supposed to go on for too long. i sit in the hotel for days, high up, watching the chilangos being fed. none of us earn our food around here except in the typical way of spending money on it. this city is too large for the senses, overwhelming sounds, smells and such.

i can no longer see my life in my body, it's looking like a stranger to me.

and

all the people on this program are sex and body starved

i have an empty hotel room, mundane sterility

but still

when the outlet in the wall winked at me i knew things had changed for the better

i take my clothes off and my form celebrates itself. my ass is round and soft, my legs hang off the bed and the eyes roll over. i fall asleep as i am, as what i am. i dont have to know anything to be anything.

i do a lot of sleeping.

we leave on friday, back on the neon stenciled bus to oaxaca through the golden cacti mountains

so empty days standing before me to be filled like baskets

what a task to fill a life like a cup with something sweet and important

in my own place this hard work and harder in mexico.